Faith, Guilt, Surviving Adultery and Divorce

Divorced…To God’s Glory

I am divorced, and it’s all to God’s glory!

Before you start throwing the stones in your hands, please hear me out.

I grew up with a firm foundation in Jesus Christ and a conservative denomination. I gave my heart and life to Christ at the age of six and vowed never to date anyone who didn’t make God his number one priority. When I felt a call to full-time ministry at the age of ten, I knew the path my life was on–and I never looked back.

As I grew, I watched in horror—with stones in my hands—as well-known Christians announced their divorces. I vowed never to listen to their music or sermons again. How could they ever break their vow and humiliate the name of Christ, especially while serving in full-time ministry?

In my last years of college, God brought a man into my life. I knew without a doubt that God had sent him, that God had told me this was the man with whom I was to spend the rest of my life. I entered my marriage with a solemn vow before God and man. Divorce was never an option in my mind

Through 15 years of marriage and three precious children, we had seen our share of ups and downs. I had devoted myself to being his helpmate, a co-minister at our church, a mother. Although our marriage was not perfect, it was good. He would counsel couples having marital problems and come home to tell me how blessed we were to have such a solid marriage.

On September 9, 2008, my life shattered when my husband was caught in an affair with a woman in our church. After my fair share of yelling, screaming, and crying, my heart began to soften. I began to see this situation as an opportunity for God to be glorified, for Him to take a good marriage and make it a great marriage. I set my heart on forgiveness and reconciliation, and I prayed that God would open the doors to a new ministry.

For nearly a year, I worked and prayed. I endured untold pain and fear and hardship. I did everything within my power to keep the marriage together. In the end, I discovered that while it only takes one to walk away from a marriage, it takes two to keep it together. I could not save my marriage alone.

Now I was the object of scorn and condemnation. I was the one facing the angry mob holding the stones. I was the one who had humiliated Christ through a divorce.

I’ve asked God many times why He would tell me to marry a man who would cheat on me and not repent. I’ve reminded Him that I could have certainly found a man on my own who would do that. I’ve wondered why I should continue to walk in obedience if divorce was the blessing I received.

Although I know that God’s perfect will was for my marriage to survive, I have learned to factor in man’s free will. You see, God had a plan for my husband and I to have a great ministry, a great marriage. When my husband chose to walk in disobedience, God had a plan for reconciliation, a plan to receive the glory for a marriage repaired by the grace of God.

And, when my husband continued to walk in disobedience, God adjusted His plan once more. You see, now He wants to get the glory through my divorce.

I in no way argue that God wanted me to divorce. However, He did give me permission to divorce (Matthew 5:32). The important fact is that my response to my situation—even though it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to—can bring God glory. You see, God has taken my life and redeemed it. I went through a time of death, depression, and despair when I lost my marriage. But, through God’s love and faithfulness, He has restored me to life. I have truly become a new person! My faith has grown immensely through the trials and tribulations of this life! I have a new hunger and thirst for Him that is beyond my greatest dream! He has taken the hurt and pain that I have suffered, and He is now leveraging them for His glory—as He opens doors for me to share the hope of a life renewed.

In John 11, we read the story of Jesus’s good friend Lazarus. Lazarus’s sisters sent Jesus an urgent message, telling him to come quickly.

When Jesus heard it, He said, “This sickness will not end in death but is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha, her sister, and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was. John 11:4-6

Did you see that? When Jesus was called to heal his good friend, he didn’t rush to Lazarus’s side; instead, He stayed where He was for two more days. By the time Jesus arrived, Lazarus had been dead and in the tomb for four days. Surely if Jesus had shown up in a timely manner, Lazarus would have never died!

But, Jesus said, “This is for the glory of God.”

You see, God could have shown up in my marriage. He could have prevented my divorce. He could have heard my relentless pleas. But, He allowed my husband to exert free will.

What did Jesus do when Mary, Lazarus’s sister, came to Him and fell at His feet? Jesus wept (John 11:35). He experienced the emotions of the situation, the pain of losing a dear friend.

What did my Savior do when my marriage crumbled? He wept with me. He cried over the hurt, the pain, the devastation. He cried for the lives impacted by our divorce. He cried over the broken vows.

Then, as only Jesus could do, He called for the stone over Lazarus’ tomb to be removed. His sister, Martha, protested. “But, Lord, his body is decaying! He stinks! We can’t do that!”

When I filed for divorce, people around me began to pick up their stones and accuse me of breaking my covenant, of humiliating the name of Christ. I walked in shame and condemnation. I had a heavy burden of guilt. I felt as if there was an overwhelming stench that surrounded me.

As the people obeyed Jesus and removed the stone from Lazarus’s grave, Jesus gave the command.

Then Jesus raised His eyes and said, “Father, I thank You that You heard Me. I know that You always hear Me, but because of the crowd standing here I said this, so they may believe You sent Me.” After He said this, He shouted with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out bound hand and foot with linen strips and with his face wrapped in a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Loose him and let him go.” John 11:41-44

After Jesus’ wept with me over the death of my dreams, He called me—the dead woman—to come forth. He proclaimed, “I am the resurrection and the life!” (John 11:25). He told me that He would resurrect my life, that He would take the death I had experienced and give me a new life. He told me that He would replace my heart of stone with one of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). He told me that He would do something new (Isaiah 43:18-19). He told me that He would do something amazing in me so that He could do something amazing through me. He commanded me to remove the graveclothes of guilt and condemnation and to put them behind me.

As I continue to walk this path, I am amazed at the new life I have. My trials and tribulations have worked into me a new compassion for hurting people. While I certainly don’t recommend divorce, I am the first in line to offer a word of hope and encouragement to anyone walking through the pain. I no longer pick up my stones because I realize there’s always more to the story. My heart has a burning passion for purity and encouraging those whose lives have been ravaged by the storms of this life. My purpose in this life has become proclaiming the restoration that only God can bring!

It doesn’t matter what life throws at you: divorce, adultery, medical problems, financial ruin, addiction. It doesn’t matter whether the storm was heaped on you by someone else or by your own acts of disobedience. The only thing that matters is what you do with what life gives you. No matter what the situation, God can—and will—redeem it for His glory. You must simply choose to surrender to the Resurrection and the Life.

While divorce was not God’s perfect will for my life, I choose to let it be for His glory!

Thank you, Lord, for taking my life from the depths of the grave and breathing new life into me. Thank you for taking the failures of my past and using them to encourage others. Thank you for taking my divorce and using it for your glory!

45 thoughts on “Divorced…To God’s Glory”

  1. Thank you Lord. A ll things work together for good to them that trust in the lord. God will perfect everything concerning you and the family he has given you in Jesus name.

  2. Wow! Thank you for sharing your testimony. You just put into words mine too. Wow, God is so good. It has been a truly amazing week full of unforeseen blessings! God bless you!!!

  3. Thanks for sharing! My story is quite similar, and I get strange looks all the time when I talk about how God’s hand was on me through the whole divorce!

    1. Beth, God’s hand of provision and protection have been all around me from since BEFORE the whole mess started! I can see where He was guiding and preparing me every step of the way. So thankful to have such a big God!

  4. Amen! All I can say is that every time we ever start to think that we are the only ones that have gone through something, we are always blessed with someone that understands and has gone through some of the same things. That is NOT by accident! All things work together for good for those who are in Christ! I myself went through things very similar many years ago. God brought a man into my life in 2008, and chose us to be united. Now, I hold my head up strong when I have to explain to people that I’ve been divorced and remarried. Whenever I start to feel like people are judging me, I tell myself, “God’s got this!” My husband and I have been blessed with something we didn’t believe we deserved! God has the glory in our marriage and we understand something that not many people do, that God is directing our paths! Thank you for sharing your story, it reminded me this morning how thankful to God I need to be everyday!

    1. Oh! I have heard those very words from God: “Trust me! I’ve got this!” Loudest inaudible voice I have ever heard! God is so faithful to see us through. My faith is so much stronger, my relationship so much deeper. I will praise Him until my dying breath!

  5. Indeed God is faithful… The Will of God will never lead you where the Grace of God cannot keep you. I thank God for walking with me thru 3 years of betrayal….. To God Be The Glory !

    1. Amen, Pat! God is so faithful to see us through every trial. And, He is so faithful to do an amazing work in us. I only want to be available for Him to now do a mighty work through me!

  6. Preach it sister! Well written! And what a fabulous perspective! He definitely brings Beauty from ashes!

  7. My story is similar to yours. I say all the time I don’t want to be a cheerleader for divorce but… You just said what I’ve been attempting to say. God restored me to a life I never knew possible. Thank you for a beautiful testimony

    1. Thank you, Michelle. I am blown away by what God has done and continues to do. I am overwhelmed by the response to this blog. I am so thankful to be a voice for so many! God bless!

    1. April, I love it! I know God is orchestrating a similar story with my future spouse–I’ve seen amazing glimpses of what He is planning! I just can’t wait to tell the whole story. Until then, I will let God continue this amazing work He has begun. To God be the glory!

  8. I can’t even express how this blog touched me. I married a man 25 years ago, one that I was sure God had led me to. It was a heartbreaking journey that was never good, he cheated on me several times. Each time it was my fault, I wasn’t doing this and I wasn’t doing that… I have my beautiful children but the verbal abuse and constant chaos took it’s toll on them also. It was so bad that I quit going after my calling because I felt like a failure and a hypocrite. Two and a half years ago, I began to purse my call again. A year and a half ago, I felt led to kick him out of the house. Our divorce was final in June.

    Honestly, I’m still grieving the loss of my dreams and the what should have been’s. I am, however, so thankful that I am not living in the pressure cooker that was my marriage. God has taken incredible care of me and shown me much Grace. In May of this coming year I will graduate with my Master of Arts in Professional Counseling. I am aware that God will use me for His glory. Thank you for allowing Him to use you to speak to me.

    1. Thank you for your encouragement! I am overwhelmed with the stories I am hearing, of God’s grace and mercy. I can truly feel every word you have written. I, too, gave up many of my dreams in support of my ex-husband. I did it willingly, out of love, but I realized after my divorce that I was a shell of who God created me to be. I always dreamed of writing, and here I find myself overwhelmed by the response to my blog. God has truly poured out His blessings on me.

      Pursue those dreams! Let God mold you into His image! Let Him take your faith to levels you never dreamed possible! May He use you in ways you could never hope, dream or imagine!

      I am humbled that I can be used by God as a mouth piece. May I always live a life worthy of the calling He has placed on me. God bless!

      1. Thank you for sharing your story and your willingness to be transparent. My story is very similar to yours. But I have dealt with others (ones that did not know the entire story) assuming that I was the one that cheated because I am a man and many Christian believed that my wife’s affair was my fault for not controlling my household. But I can see God redeeming me day by day!! Thank you again!!

      2. I am so glad that God could use me to minister to you. There were four couples in our church impacted by adultery at the same time; only one of the unfaithful spouses was male. And, if you think about it, for every man involved in an affair, there is a female, too.

        I always thought it took two to have an unfaithful spouse. The truth is, when you have a person who is not walking with Christ, it doesn’t matter how perfect the spouse is. I was not perfect, but I’ve had to realize that I WAS a good wife. I was loving, supportive, encouraging–and a partner in the ministry. I had a Christian counselor look me in the face and say, “It does NOT take TWO to make this happen.” That was so freeing!

        I pray that you cling to God and allow Him to resurrect you to life–the abundant life He has planned! God bless!

    2. I remember the pressure cooker too. I also grieve for what my sons witnessed and felt, but I’m grateful because I know God can do a new work in them as well. Thank you for sharing!

      1. Isn’t it wonderful not living in the pressure cooker!! Regardless of how I am feeling on any given particular day, all I have to do is remember how it was. I am so blessed not to be in such a place. My kids are working through their issues one at a time. It interesting that the youngest is actually finding healing by living with his dad. His dad finally decided to be a father, something a boy needs very much. The other three are working out their issues one day at a time, just like me.

      2. It is a day-by-day process. Every individual heals differently. It’s great that your son can find healing with his dad! And, I’ve discovered this week that even four years out, there are still raw areas that need to be dealt with. But, I am so blessed, so happy. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything!

        Sent from my iPhone


      3. My kids are totally different today! They are outgoing, happy, strong children. God has done an amazing work in them, too! I was told early on that they would never rise above my level of health. That was enough to make me determined to find healing! Trust God with your children. He has great plans for them, too!

        Sent from my iPhone


  9. Thank you for sharing your story. I have lived through this as well and see God’s hand on it. I lived the pleas, the questions. I then experience, still now, the answers coming in ways I never expected. God’s grace and love is always bigger than the sins of ourselves and others that cause our life to take the detour we didn’t plan.

    1. I love how God reveals Himself little by little. I love that as our hearts become more pure, we are able to see God’s hand around us. I love how He cares for every little detail of our lives. I love how God makes ALL things work together for our good! God bless you on your detour!

  10. I would like to point out here, that the teachings about divorce in the sermon on the mount are not laws. They are principles. We no longer live by a law book (Torah), but we live by the law of God’s Spirit. This does not mean we follow our whims and feelings, but it does mean that if we practice the virtues according to the Spirit, then we will be able to make the correct ethical choice. Jesus says that it is adultery to divorce and marry another, except in the case of sexual immorality. That does not mean that it is some kind of law. It is a virtue ethic, not a law ethic. There are other reasons people should divorce, not mentioned as an exception by Jesus (for example, in the case of physical abuse). However, that being said, people divorce now all the time just because marriage is difficult and the personalities involved fight with each other. It seems like those are the two extremes: do what you want/feel and don’t let anyone tell you what you are doing is wrong, or, like in Dena’s case (where her divorce is perfectly legitimate according to Jesus’ words), pick up stones to throw at the person when the case clearly is not sinful. The church needs to learn that ethics under God’s new covenant/paradigm are not a law book, and that we also fool ourselves by just listening to our deep seated feelings. We have made two ethical extremes that lead us into sin or lead us into false accusations. Neither is Biblical or healthy.

    1. Jared, you are absolutely correct. I believe so strongly in the sanctity of marriage–that marriage is designed to make us holy more than happy. That means that we as Christians must fight for our marriages. That’s one reason it was SO hard for me to walk away from my marriage–even though I knew I had very clear Biblical grounds. As I said, no one knows the truth in a marriage except the two people involved. There is so often more that goes on behind closed doors. Often, the truth is distorted (just this week I had accusations lodged against me for having two affairs during our marriage–a flat out lie). We as Christians must learn to stand in truth (marriage is sacred and worth fighting for) while extending grace.

    2. Thank you so much, Jared, for taking the time to write this. It meant so much to me since I have felt also condemned for divorcing an abuser. It gives me hope that one day I might be able to sit in church and not feel ashamed.

  11. The part more than any other single thing about your story that bothers me the most is not that you are divorced (I have been married 28 years and it is only the grace of God that has kept us from divorce, certainly not my own goodness. I don’t deserve to be happily married, for sure.) but the fact that you refer to the church throwing stones at you. While this is obviously figurative, the reality of the hurt that divorced people weather is heart-wrenching. When will any of us learn from the people in the Bible who failed miserably yet were beloved by their faithful God. David, Moses and Paul each killed a man (Paul likely many) and while you could say that Paul was not yet converted when it happened, both Moses and David already had relationships with the Lord. David was already anointed king when he had Uriah killed. Throw adultery into the mix and David ought to be seen as a real loser. Yet God calls him a man after his own heart. What wondrous love is this that looks on “losers” and calls them beloved?
    When will the church drop their stones and take a good long look in the mirror and fall on their knees and thank God that they aren’t worse than they are? We ALL fail. We ALL fall short of our own standards, nevermind God’s standards. It’s called “grace” for a reason. We accept it freely from God without really thinking about the fact that we so desperately need it and would be so very lost without it. But we don’t extend it towards others who are equally fallen like us. Shame on us for carrying stones to begin with. Shame on us.
    I will take this opportunity to apologize for anyone and everyone who has ever said or done anything to make you feel ashamed of the things in your life that you cannot control. I am so sorry “stones” were ever thrown in your direction. Will we ever understand that none of us is ever good enough for God? Not one of us. That’s why Jesus came.

    1. You have hit the nail on the head! And, I have definitely learned grace through this entire process. For me, because of the denomination in which I was raised, I felt as if I had been disqualified for ministry because of my divorce. That was heart-breaking–especially because the divorce was not my fault. But, God’s call and His will are irrevocable (Rom 11:29 I believe). My ministry is different than it was before, but God told me He was doing a new thing (Isaiah 43:18-19). I have even said on MANY occasions that I would love to see my ex-husband pastoring again. He is an amazingly gifted preacher! The key is Psalm 51 brokenness.

      We also allow our own guilt to hinder us, to make us think others are throwing stones. I have had people turn their back on me, make snide comments, but it is probably more the accuser of the brethren trying to hold me back. By the grace of God, I’m not allowing it to hold me back! I hold my head high and press on for the prize to which Christ has called me heavenward!

    2. This is an old post so I don’t know if my comment will get through. Our Pastor is having an affair and is getting a divorce. They are making it look like it’s not because of this spiritual affair (they say they are not having physical sex) Please tell me how this brings Glory to God? How is the Church any different than the world? Also, David did sin, BUT he lost the child born to this women and God started punishing Israel putting people to death until David repented of this sin. He did the sacrifice’s then God stopped killing the people. I’m not perfect by any measure, I’m divorced from a 15yr marriage, he committed adultery , remarried and if it wasn’t for my belief would be divorced again. I should have never remarried, my mistake. But I am praying and staying because I think it’s what God would have me do. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin but unless it’s repented of it’s not going to bring any Glory to God. I just seems many who say don’t worry about it it’s covered by Grace. Let’s not frustrate Grace.

      1. Elaine, Adultery never glorifies God; it breaks His heart. My husband was also a pastor who committed adultery, and I KNOW I cried as many (if not more) tears over the damage he did to God’s name. But, I also know how many church members told me that their faith had been strengthened by watching me walk through the fire. I have not been perfect, but I have tried to seek God most every step of the way.

        Divorce–in and of itself–does not glorify God; it breaks His heart. The pain and devastation that it causes is deep and widespread. God’s perfect will is for each of us to live faithfully with the spouse of our youth.

        But, we live in a fallen world where sin runs rampant. God gives us permission to divorce in the case of adultery–but it is by no means a requirement. God gives us permission to remarry if our divorce was the result of adultery. I did everything I could to keep my marriage together…but he chose to continue walking in adulterous relationships (and yes, that is plural). That is when I chose to walk away.

        Life is much less about what happens to us and more about how we handle it. Did my divorce glorify God? In and of itself, no. But, what I have chosen to do with my experiences DOES glorify God. I have asked God to do an amazing work in me–and He has changed me SO much from the inside out. My relationship with Him is sweeter than I ever dreamed possible. He has given me a new compassion, a new love for people, an understanding of their hurt and pain. He has shown me the ugliness, pride, judgmentalism in my heart and is working to purify me in ways I never dreamed possible. And now, He is giving me the opportunity to take my hurt and pain and experiences and minister to thousands every day. THAT is what glorifies God!

        Have you ever met a former addict who has been changed by God? The addiction didn’t glorify God, but when that addict uses His experiences to shout God’s goodness and help others in bondage to addiction–to God be the glory! What about the former convict whose life was lost and useless until he met Christ in prison? He takes his experiences to tell the world about God’s redeeming power–to God be the glory! What about the woman who was committing adultery herself and repented and was changed by God? When she tells her story and encourages others, reminding them that God still loves them and has a beautiful future if they will only repent–to God be the glory!

        My point is simple: Life happens, and it’s often bad. But, no matter what you’ve experienced, God isn’t finished with you. Let Him have His way, change your heart and your life, and use your past–no matter how ugly it might be–for His glory!

        Yes, I have chosen to let God use my divorce to His glory!

    1. Thanks, Wayne. I pray daily that God writes and speaks through me. Apparently, this post was DEFINITELY Him flowing through me.

      Sent from my iPhone


  12. WOW!!! Can I say “been there, done that, lived that”??? Your testimony could be a book on my experience. We were married for 26 years… when ‘he’ called one day and said ‘he’ wanted a divorce.
    A counselor told me that I needed to look at my situation through a new window – I wasn’t wanting to give into the divorce – I wanted to make it work; ‘He’ on the other hand was not willing. The counselor asked me to consider it as God taking me out of a bad situation. I was not willing to do it on my own; so therefore God intervened and ‘he’ took the lead for the divorce. This was two years ago and on occasions I still feel I let myself down, my children down, my family down, my church down, and, of course, God down. But I remind myself that – I did what needed to be done. It wasn’t what I wanted but what God saw best for me and my children. God still loves me and always will.
    Now as I wait patiently and prayerfully to see what God has in store for me, I can see a bright light in the future of a very dark past. To God be the glory for taking care of me!!!

    1. Thanks so much for sharing, Dawn! God has promised that all things work together for good to those who love Him. I am so thankful for the good He has brought to me and my children through the pain and the heartache! Did God want the divorce? No. But, He has faithfully carried me through the pain, and He will continue to carry me through to the glorious future He has planned.

      The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. (1 Peter 5:10)

  13. After reading your blog, I am curious to your thoughts on remarriage. Do you consider remarriage a possibility?


    1. I absolutely do! There are basically three theological arguments, all of which are human interpretations of scripture. 1. Remarriage is only acceptable in a case of death. 2. Remarriage is allowed in a case of adultery. 3. God’s grace is great enough to cover all divorce. Each school of thought can make a very valid and scriptural argument.

      I, personally, ascribe (for the most part) to God’s grace is great enough to cover divorce. As long as we are doing our absolute best to seek God and walk in obedience, who am I to say remarriage is not allowed? When God forgives sin (divorce), he removes it as far as the east is from the west and remembers it no more. If we are then pure, unblemished in his eyes, then it’s as if we have never been married.

      Rahab was a prostitute, full of sexual sin, and yet blessed in a marriage and an ancestor of Christ. David and Bathsheba were adulterers who murdered Bathsheba’s husband, and yet their remarriage was blessed as ancestors of Christ. The woman caught in adultery had five husbands and was covered by grace.

      Ultimately, each person must reach a decision by becoming deeply and intimately involved with Christ and allowing God to lead you to a place where you can make that decision. And we, as the body of Christ, must make sure that we don’t divide the body over human interpretations of scripture.

  14. Hi Dena.
    I know this post is old but so good. I have been separated now 4 years from a 15 year marriage. I was not christian even though as a kid I went to church. The pain of separation brought me back to God. I have hoped and prayed for reconciliation all this time if it be God’s will. In the story of Hosea he takes his wife back out of slavery. I know it’s a picture of God taking back us who have been harlots and not been seeking God, so where is the cut off with a physical spouse? Jesus did release people in the case of adultery. Abuse can also be seen as a breach of the vows. God still loved as Israel prostituted itself, as gomar prostituted. He let her go to her painful demise and if my memory is correct, did actually divorce Israel at one point. But his heart was always to restore it I think . Why? God is good. He is love. He can’t go against his nature. He gives, he helps, he wants relationship, he wants repentance and reconciliation. God sent Jesus to the Jews. He was and is seeking reconciliation with Israel. Did he ditch them and take up with another lover? This is God’s plan I’m talking about so it’s bigger than my single life. But God said to Israel, look your a non repentant bunch I’m going to use that to open up the flood gates to everyone in the world but I still love you. It’s THE love story. I know marriage is a mirror of christ and the church, God and us. In the physical world, to let an errant spouse go their own way is consistent with Gods love I’m just not at the point where I can see me being released, even with adultery. Of course death is different. As you point out, Jesus physical lineage does include remarried people but I think in at least 2 of those death had closed the door on reconciliation. I’m not throwing stones here. It’s just the internal dialogue I’m having with myself. It seems it is a very big issue and feels it carries spiritual weight just because it was made to mirror the oneness He had with Jesus. That by itself takes up the stakes a notch or two. And it’s not a condemnation issue. It’s a, “what is God’s good will and plan for my best”, issue. It has always been so for God. And I think His will is a right and tight relationship with me. That is a day by day, hour by hour unfolding of time with God’s influence. This really gets things up to the level way above the question of if remarriage is ok or not, if divorce is ok or not. It is such an emotional roller-coaster. Lust, marriage, security, guilt, pride, failure, hopelessness, against the backdrop of the reality (unseen) of God’s love, will and plan. I think I’ll just keep asking God day by day what the next step is.

    1. And you came up with the correct answer: keep asking God day by day, let Him lead you where He wants you to go. Here’s my thing: every doctrine on divorce and remarriage is a human (I.e. Fallible) interpretation of the infallible scriptures. Only God knows what was truly meant. But, most of the passages on divorce and remarriage were actually about elevating women to a place of equality to men, about treating them properly and making them more than a possession to be bought and sold. Moses actually commanded them to give a divorce certificate so women COULD remarry. Malachi talked about God hating men mistreating their wives. Paul? Well, one version of scripture (CEB) actually states clearly it is not a sin for divorced to remarry. Yes, three remarriage a in the lineage of Christ: Ruth (a widow), Rahab (a prostitute…don’t know her marital status, but definitely sexual sin in her past), and Bathsheba (husband was dead but only because he was murdered…which means if I murder my ex-husband I’m free to remarry…very interesting theology 😳😜…only joking). As many questions as there are answers. I firmly believe God set me free from the verbal and emotional abuse and that I am free to move forward. I believe He has promised to bring someone who will love me as Christ loved the church. I believe divorce is no more of a sin than pride or anger or greed, and that God forgives and completely forgets, just as He does with all other sins. I believe it’s a part of the story He has given me and can be used to point the world back to Him.

      1. Yes, good points.I think the teachings of main stream Christianity has hamstrung some of our ideas because it was an interpretation that hangs over in the mind even though it may not be the correct interpretation. If it was just a bunch of rules there would be no need for a relationship with God to have a chat about these things of life. And I do see people who hold on to their faith in waiting for their spouse to return (or die). As paul said, it is better to never go against your conscience. At the same tie he said try not to flaunt your new found freedom in Christ in front of those people ( I think this was a discussion about idol meats). So I think there are some sensibilities around that. Obviously Paul saw it all as a bit of a distraction to Christ but thought it worthy of a mature approach to people who still held onto a view because they thought it was what God wanted. It is a very tricky area. Paul talks about running our own race without comparing to others race. At the same time being a support to others…I think it is hard as humans to look at others who DO things differently but then have to identify with them in a wholehearted way. I guess that’s empathy….which as you pointed out only happened for you when you went through the situation yourself..same for me. And Jesus was the most empathetic of all….In effect, it’s a lot more natural to be condemning and stick to a particular rule than be fostering a relationship with an invisible God (that is real). But I do see that God uses these life experiences to build that empathy in our hearts and it does mean that in little ways we do come closer to the empathy we HE has for us.. , I’ve just opened a whole can of worms on myself so I’ll leave it at that.


      2. Lol. It may be a can of worms, but I think that has been one of the most interesting outcomes to my pain: I recognize that I understand very little about God and His ways, and I am more willing than ever to question long-held beliefs about God. Perhaps that’s the most important thing we can do, take the time to question our beliefs, wrestle with what we thought we knew, and allow God to reveal truth to us.

  15. Brokenness and a submissive yielding to God, who is greater than the sum total of all of our circumstances, is a perfect remedy to our trials. Having suffered through infidelity, lies, and pain beyond belief 15 months ago, my divorce will be final soon. I am thankful for a loving, concerned Heavenly Father who has kept me safe, sane and blessed. I know that I will find someone to share the rest of my life with as I stay obedient in worship to the only true SOURCE.

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