Faith, promises, Waiting

Do You Believe?

As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed Him, shouting, “Have mercy on us, Son of David!”

When He entered the house, the blind men approached Him, and Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I can do this?”

“Yes, Lord,” they answered Him.

Then He touched their eyes, saying, “Let it be done for you according to your faith!” And their eyes were opened. Then Jesus warned them sternly, “Be sure that no one finds out!” But they went out and spread the news about Him throughout that whole area. Matthew 9:27-31

I have spoken often about a promise that God made me, about how I have wrestled with Him in prayer over this subject for two years now. I have told how I believe the time is coming soon, how He has clearly said the day of fulfillment is near. I have written extensively about the process of waiting for the fulfillment, of the growth in my faith. I have spoken of learning to trust God to direct someone else’s heart for this promise to be fulfilled, how the results are completely out of my control. I have heard God’s reassuring voice more clearly than ever before in my life, chasing every single doubt away with His word.

Over the past few weeks, God has really been speaking to me again on this subject—as if He hadn’t in the past. I clearly heard Him say, “Trust me with your heart.” As I grappled with this statement, I begged God to show me where I was not trusting Him with my heart, how I was still withholding my heart from Him. I have struggled to understand the statement, praying intently for clarification.

That clarification came last week when my hopes were completely dashed and the fulfillment of this promise faded into oblivion…

At least that’s how it seems from a human standpoint.

As always, God has been preparing me for the situation I currently face. He has been gently nudging me to trust Him more than ever. He has been repeatedly asking, “Do you believe I can do this?” The truth is that until last week, I wasn’t sure God could do this. However, in an instant, when all hope seemed to be slipping away, when human wisdom shouted to abandon this dream, when my belief that I have heard from God seemed to be severely questionable, I found myself crying out from the depths of my heart, “Lord Jesus, I believe you CAN do this!!”

And His response is, “According to your faith, let it be done to you.”

Over the past week, my boat has been rocked. I’ve found myself doubting—doubting whether I actually heard from God, doubting whether God was actually able to do what He has said He would do. I’ve found myself feeling like a fool, wondering how I could have mistaken my desires for God’s voice for two full years. I’ve found my faith faltering, wondering how God could allow me to go down this path, believing this “promise” was from Him for two years.

However, even in the moment when all my hope was lost, I had a very strange sense of peace. There was a knot in my stomach. My appetite was gone. I wanted to cry and cry. But an eerie peace was piercing the pain.

Immediately, my mind flashed to my quiet time that morning when I had read the above passage, wondering if I really did believe God was able. Ironically, our pastor had preached on the exact same passage the Sunday before and my mind had immediately tied the passage back to this promise. Suddenly, I saw with clarity the truth in my heart: I do believe He is able! When it seemed plausible that this promise could become a reality, I doubted God’s ability to make it happen. But now, when it seems completely impossible, I find that I trust God is still working, that He is able!

I’m not saying that I don’t have my moments of fear and doubt. It’s a risk just to put this out here for all the world to see. What if this promise is not fulfilled? I will truly look like a fool. But, according to my faith, let it be done to me!

Faith is a risk. Faith requires action. Faith persists even when it seems nothing is changing. Faith must continue even when it can’t see how things will work out. Faith is accepting God at His word. Faith is based on the character of God, believing that He will fulfill His promises.

Think about the biblical heroes. Noah looked like a fool as he built a huge boat even though the world had never seen rain. Joshua looked like a fool as he led the troops in marching around the walls of Jericho for seven straight days. David looked like a fool as he went up against Goliath with nothing but a sling and a handful of small stones. Daniel looked like a fool when he continued to pray and worship despite the king’s edict and found himself in the lions’ den. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego looked like fools when they refused to bow down and worship and were thrown into the fiery furnace.

But God was able…

And I am willing to look like a fool for believing this promise from God. My belief in God and this word from Him is so deeply ingrained in my mind that I cannot abandon it. Even now, every time I doubt, God floods my mind with the many times He has revealed His will to me in small pieces over the last two years. There is no escape from the omnipresent God. He continues to remind me that He will be faithful to fulfill His promises to me.

Interestingly, when I came home and told my children what had happened, they never missed a beat.  “Mom, God is going to do this. I don’t have a doubt,” they told me. Oh to have the faith of a child! My sweet nine year old daughter—who is a songwriter in disguise—even wrote a song about it. I’d like to share it with you:

God will keep His promises to you

No matter the circumstances you’re going through

Hold on to Him and keep your faith

He’s using His powerful grace

Just hold on to this roller coaster

Don’t worry, He’ll keep His promises

Hold on to Him, Hold on to Him

It could be a bumpy ride

You have to trust Him with every single stride

Hold on to Him, Hold on to Him

Don’t worry, He’ll try to hurry

Just hold on, just hold on

It might take months, years, or days

You’ve got to trust His powerful ways

You’ve got to hold on

You might be crying

Just keep on trying

And you’ve got to hold on…

(lyrics by Cassie)

When this promise if fulfilled, God will receive all the glory. When this promise is fulfilled, there will be no doubt that it was something only God could do. When this promise is fulfilled, my faith will be deeper than I ever imagined possible. When this promise is fulfilled, it will be obvious that God’s promises never fail. When this promise is fulfilled, it will be proof that God is good, forever faithful, trustworthy—as if I need any more proof.

Until that day, I will continue to walk forward, believing, trusting, hoping. Until that day, I will continue to pray without ceasing, being thankful for His faithfulness. Until that day, I will be walk by faith and not by sight.

Until that day…

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s