About Dena, Faith, Forgiveness, Grace

I Write Because…of You

Several years ago, I was dealing with the fresh pain of my divorce. The wounds were still gaping, and pain was my constant companion.

One Sunday, I went to church. I was blessed that “our” church continued to love on me and support me (for the most part). What happened on this particular Sunday, however, is seared into my memory.

As I sat through the sermon, I tried to focus on the message. I tried to listen to the words, hoping they would be balm to my soul dying within me. And then it happened…

The pastor made a comment about “divorced people.”

Somehow, as the knives dug deep into my heart and tears stung my eyes, I found myself stereotyped. I was one of “those” people. I was one of the condemned. From the pastor’s wife of the church, to a complete loser. From a pillar of the church to the lowest of the sinners. From minister to disqualified and disgraced.

I walked out of the church that day more damaged than when I entered. The very place that should have embraced me, loved me, helped me return to a place of health and wholeness had turned on me, left me deeper in mire and mud than I had already been. The church had heaped condemnation upon me when I was already drowning in guilt and shame.

I have always been thankful that I had a solid foundation with my Savior. I had been raised in a Christian home and had spent my entire life seeking his face. He was already my rock. He was already my everything.

But, I began to wonder. What if I didn’t have a solid foundation? What if I had been a hurting soul trying to make sense of the devastation in my life? What if I had come to church that morning desperately seeking God, desperately needing to know that I was loved and accepted despite my divorce? What if it had been the very last straw at which I was grasping?

I would have never stepped foot in a church building again.

That’s right. If I had been someone trying God as a last resort, I would have decided in that moment that this God-thing was exactly what I thought: a bunch of hypocritical, judgmental people who called themselves Christians so that they could take my sins and failures and throw them back in my face.

In that moment, I knew that I wanted to encourage others facing the pain of divorce. I knew that I wanted to counteract the spiteful, judgmental attitudes of others. I wanted to be an extension of God’s grace and love.

This past week has been absolutely overwhelming! I wrote an article for Crosswalk, expressing my understanding of the pain anyone walking through divorce is experiencing. I expressed that God’s grace is great enough to cover all sins, including divorce. I expressed my belief that God hates divorce more because he hates to see his children hurting than because it is some great sin. I wanted every single divorced Christian to know that God’s love and grace is poured out extravagantly upon them.

As I expected, there were many emails and comments that left me in tears. So many people sharing their stories, thanking me for my words of grace and understanding. So many broken souls, sharing the release they felt. So much sadness given new hope through my words.

However, as I also expected, there were so many evil, ugly, judgmental words. Accusations of taking scripture out of context. Accusations of heretical teaching. Words of condemnation. Daggers to be stuck deep within an already hurting soul.

I have been told (many times) that I am obviously very prideful and arrogant in my stance. I have been told that I am obviously still hurting and need to let God heal my own heart. I have been told that I am looking for loopholes to match my own situation.

And, I am told that I must remain single or reconcile with my husband or risk eternal damnation.

While I am strong enough to withstand the attacks, my heart broke again for those who are not. My entire goal in writing is to encourage those dealing with the pain, to help them trust God to restore their broken hearts and lives. I want to comfort others with the comfort I have received from God himself.

There is a righteous anger burning within me! It is the very anger that Christ Jesus himself exhibited when he over-turned the tables in the temple. It is a righteous anger that wants to protect those who are perhaps not as strong in their faith as I am, not as far along in this journey. It’s an anger that cries out to share the love of God, to prevent others from turning away from the only one who can actually help them out of the pit.

I will be the first to say that I don’t have full knowledge of the scriptures this side of heaven. Perhaps one day when I meet my Savior, he will tell me the areas in which my understanding was not complete. Perhaps he will pull me aside and tell me that I misunderstood certain commands, that I failed to live up to certain areas of scripture.

God has entrusted me with a story, one that I never wanted and never dreamed would be mine. But, as long as I can point others back to the grace and love of my Savior, I will travel this journey to the best of my ability. I will use my words to encourage others, to point them to the Great I Am. I will do my best to be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to my master, prepared for every good work.

I will do my best to show the same extravagant love and grace to others that my Savior has so freely lavished upon me.

 

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50 thoughts on “I Write Because…of You”

  1. Once again your words touch my own story so closely. I commend you for saying things that are so true…..judgement must be reserved for God. I truly feel that one never really knows what they would do in your situation until they have walked in those shoes. It has taught me to try and be supportive and caring and speak kinder words to people in all situations. I try and teach my children that too. Thank you for sharing.

    1. I am so much more compassionate and understanding. I now realize exactly what you said: you never know what you would do until you are in the situation. My understanding of my Father’s love is so much greater. My appreciation for his grace and forgiveness is real. I would walk through it all again…

    2. This is a lovely site I’m so glad I found u all! I am remarried now almost 30 years! Best years of my life. I made a poor choice when I was young but entered into a marriage without a thought of ever divorcing! I was a Christian saved when I was 13 but my new husband was not saved. I sang in a gospel group and the minister of a church asked us to help him one evening at a mission hall service he was taking by the group singing a few pieces. We were only too happy to do this as our musical ministry was our way Of sharing our faith with others. The minister had an estate car and he kindly said he would drive us as the venue was a long way from home! After the service we had tea and shared fellowship with the congregation and he gave us all a lift home. When I came in that night because I was late home my then husband was so angry because I had been late home. He knew exactly where we were and who we were with but that didn’t matter. He gave me the beating of my life the trunk of my body was black and blue next day. I didn’t know what to do so I confided with his sister and stayed with her for a couple of days. I then returned to the marital home and was not allowed to go anywhere with the group again. I had to leave Girls brigade because he felt their uniforms were too short and that I looked like a prostitute. I eventually had to give up the choir at church because he said my place was to sit beside him and I had been asked at one stage to help the choir out but when it came the night to practice he blocked my car in and I could not get out to go! When i asked him to please let me out he punched we in the stomach in my advanced stages of pregnancy! I left him twice but tried to keep my marriage vows and God never left me. This was the pattern for eleven years and one day I had a wee part time job I met a man who made me laugh, was kind and courteous to me and I fell in love with him ending up in adultery! Now I was very unhappy about it so I told my husband and my home situation became unbearable so I left home took the children a five yrs later I married that man! My life never was so happy my first husband married again too and three more children later is separated again! I feel guilty every day of the last 30 years that I did that / let it happen but I was miserable! When I went to church many people rebuked me and in fact some still do but they did not know what my home life was like! Even though too I’ve been married now for almost 30 yrs and am closer toGod now than ever I would never be asked to do a reading or play any special part in church life. Within the Christian church someone who is divorced and remarried without asking any questions about the persons life or background is marked as a failure even to this day!

      1. Your story breaks my heart. But, it also reminds me of David and Bathsheba. Their relationship started in adultery. Horrible circumstances. They suffered the consequences with the loss of their child. And yet, God’s grace… God’s grace was enough to cover their sins. God’s grace was enough to take a relationship that started in sin and bless it. God’s grace looked beyond their sin and saw their hearts. I am sorry that the church has made the decision that you are disqualified or unworthy. I wish they could all see that it is only by God’s grace that they are not walking in your shoes. You are amazing and you are loved! God bless!

  2. I just read your blog on Crosswalk.com which led me to your website. I want to thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to your journey as mine is very similar. My ex-husband and I were college sweethearts, married for almost 17 years. He chose to engage in adulterous behavior and despite my prayers for restoration of the marriage, he divorced me and remarried one of his mistresses (who by the way was a “friend” I taught Sunday School with) The devastation that my children and i experienced is indescribable. We were very involved in church, he was a minister. All my children knew was church. To go through that kind of pain and be shunned by the very people in church that you’d think be there for you, just added salt to the wound. But God….He is a healer! There is a Christian song where one of the lyrics say: “there isn’t a trial or pain, that He doesn’t recycle to bring me gain.” I am slowly, but surely getting my joy back. My kids are healthy and thriving. They aren’t a statistic. They won’t be damaged people for life because their parents divorced, despite the claims of others. Life is good and I know that I have a closer relationship with the Lord because of my divorce. Please keep doing what you are doing. Keep encouraging others that they too can make it. I have learned over the years, that church is not my refuge…God is my refuge!

    1. Wow! Talk about similarities! We were married 17 years, ministry family, church was all my kids knew. The other woman was a friend from church. I prayed and offered forgiveness and restoration. My kids are healthier and happier. And for the first time in my life, I truly have an understanding of the Savior’s love for me! Perhaps you are my long lost twin?!?! 😊 Yes, with you, I can only look at these last few years and say, “But God…” God heals. God loves. God protects. God provides. God takes what was meant for evil and uses it for good. God takes a mess and turns it to a ministry. And, I will count it all joy when I face trials of many kinds because I KNOW what the testing of my faith produces!

  3. Thank you so much for this article Dena – I almost deleted it because I felt in a “funk” this week but then I read it. I am a divorcee (after 2 years, it sometimes still seems surreal) and although childless and now involved in a new, healthy and flourishing relationship, I still sometimes feel myself just walking around in a state of “how the heck did I get here”. As far as church and church family goes, my ex-mother in law who is a born again Christian and eats, lives and breathes the bible, went through a divorce years ago and dealt with the shunning from her Christian friends, etc. and told me for years of the hurt it caused….and then she herself did that to me when her son divorced me. I have a hard time getting over the hippocritical”ness” of people. I also seem to have a very hard time remember the pain and the suffering of my marriage and instead dwell upon the few great times and get my feelings hurt by thinking how could I not have been loved? I look to God every day as I did when this whole episode first started and ask for his grace, understanding and renewal as I know he is the only healer who I trust and can help me. I am making a pact with myself that there will be no more wallowing in self-pity, no more being angry and bitter and no more looking in the rearview mirror. I’ve even started a journal writing down all the positive quotes I see on FB, on websites and in articles like yours so that I can keep referring when I get to a weak point. I know it’s going to take time and wow, things always seem to take alot of time with me but I know I can overcome with God’s help. Thank you for your encouraging words, I appreciate reading them and I know that God is using you to speak for those of us with broken and hurt hearts so that we can be restored and made new again. Peace to you. Lisa xoxo

    1. Lisa, Thank you for sharing! I know the “how the heck did I get here” line of thinking! And, I know how in-laws can turn on you, even when they know the truth. I spent several hours today with a lady who has been physically abused for years. She finally got the courage to be honest, and the pastor told her to stay. It’s that mentality that drives me to do what I do. I love your attitude! Let’s forget what is behind and press forward to gain the amazing gift God has planned for us! There’s hope, beauty, abundant life. It definitely takes time, and writing (and helping others) has been a huge part of my healing. We are all in this together!! God bless!

  4. Hi Dena,
    I’m so happy that you write… because of me and others.
    I too am divorced. I am continuing to learn to trust. It has not been an easy thing. I’m currently in a long distance relationship which is helpful yet painful. I believe in God’s presence and seek his will and guidance continually.
    I love what you write about comforting others. Comfort is one of three words that I have chosen for this year, so I feel right in tune with you.
    Please continue to write for me and for others. It is deeply appreciated…

    1. Thank you, Frances! Learning to trust again is a challenge. Opening our hearts to others when we’ve been deeply hurt is a scary proposition. That’s why it’s so important to walk closely with the Savior. He is the only one who will never fail us! I knew from the beginning that my job was to comfort others. May I continually be a drink offering to my savior, poured out for others! God bless!

      1. For up to a year after my husband of 20 years left, I could hardly shred paper in my shredder, throw anything away, change décor around the house, or go places where he & I had been together. My heart actually hurt even though I wasn’t having heart problems. Life didn’t mean much to me. When he drove away to be with his girlfriend, I curled up in a fetal position on my living room floor & asked God to take me home. I couldn’t see a purpose for going on. My whole life had apparently been wrapped up in pleasing him. That’s idolatry. Now God is first in my life, & my spiritual eyes are opening more & more. Life does matter, especially when I’m following my Great Shepherd — going where He wants me to go. I’ve never known such peace, joy & contentment! It’s all worth what I’ve had to give up.

      2. Good for you! The promised land…the land where peace, joy, and contentment reign supreme. Yes, I experienced all those same emotions. A couple years after the divorce, I packed up my kids and moved. We sold everything that had been “ours,” and started all over. It was hard, but I now realize it was also very healing.

  5. I too, read your blog post in Crosswalk.com. It touched my heart in the best of ways and I shared it on my Facebook page. Then I read some of the comments – how distressing. I removed the share because sadly, I knew that many of those vile, caustic comments would further load the guns of some.
    I won’t share the details of my story, other than saying that mine involved marriage, widowhood, marriage, divorce, and now remarriage. I have done a great deal of work over the decades. I still know that this divorce/remarriage is not the best for anyone, but it happens – even to #biblebelievingbornagainlovedJesusmywholelife people My husband and I have walked the hard road; some said the high road. Your post was reasonable and it was clearly from a place of love, forgiveness, and compassion.
    The vileness of some christian perplexes me. I have been faithful in keeping my heart soft, right from the early days of widowhood to now, 40 plus years later. It is with earnestness that I seek God’s face and favour, only to be told by certain family members that I will always be an adulterer, for the simple reason that I remarried after divorce.
    We are a family of believers. Our christian roots go back generations. I believe in the restoring, transformational power of Jesus Christ. Thank you for giving words/scriptures to what is in my heart. Thanks for writing about hope for those who are hopeless.
    As a Clinical Counsellor I often wonder about the intensity of anger from those who must defend their position on divorce/remarriage. Unpacking the anger, wrestling down the white knuckled grip on dogma may eventually lead to a softening of the heart. One can only hope and pray.
    Blessings to you, and keep on writing.
    Carol

    1. Thank you, Carol. I actually didn’t realize this dogmatic, never remarry doctrine existed until I started writing. I know that the comments really hurt the editor of crosswalk. I just can’t find Jesus Christ pouring out this type of legalism on People. I find a savior who says love and grace. And, that’s where I hope I will always fall. To those who hold to that doctrine, I support them 100% in their commitment. I just only pray for the same grace for others who have not reached the same conclusion in their studies of scripture. Regardless, I will stand head held high in defense of all of us #biblebelievingbornagainlovedJesusmywholelife (or at any time in their lives) who have suffered the devastation of divorce! God bless!

  6. After being together in what I thought was a loving, trusting, stable relationship, my husband of 20 years succumbed to flirting of a twice-divorced woman in our local hardware. She must have flattered his ego. He gave her his cell number which she right away called. That started an 8-month affair. He was with her daily, even on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve & our anniversary while I was home crying & feeling like dirt beneath the rug. I spent lots of time on my knees, even on my face, asking God to intervene. I knew an affair was going on, but I still wasn’t sure who the woman was. He stopped touching me, sleeping with me, taking me anywhere, & praying before meals with me. I continued cooking, doing his laundry, ironing his work shirts, packing his lunch daily, & keeping house. In my gut I knew there was something terribly wrong, but he denied having someone else when I asked. Finally, it all broke loose & I found out who she was. I then asked him to leave, which he did. Soon he filed for divorce. He said I was a good wife but he just wanted his freedom. That was 4 years ago. The divorce dragged out 1-1/2 years & was torture for me. I’m not sure God ever meant for one spouse to be the Plaintiff & the other the Defendant. Because my husband lied under oath & even contradicted himself, the judge seemed to greatly favor me in the judgment. My pastor & other Christians kept reminding me that God owns Caesar & God’s justice will be done ultimately. Now I’m overwhelmingly thankful for His provisions, protection, wisdom & daily guidance. Not a day goes by that I don’t see His hand at work in my life. He has given me a ministry to other hurting women, new friends, a church family, ample income, & countless other lavish blessings. I could write a book already! This was a crushing experience, but now I’m a much stronger person in the Lord. Without this pain & suffering, possibly I never would have grown this close to the Lord. I’m so thankful that God will never abandon me. My job as a believer is to trust, trust, trust Him. He takes care of everything else.

    1. Oh how true! I have been on the same journey! I like to say that I really like “Divorced Dena” better than I ever liked “Perfect Dena!” I would go through every ounce of pain and heart ache again to gain the sweetness of a REAL relationship with my Savior! It’s very sad to see one spouse harden his/her heart and walk away from God and family, but I love to see how God pours out his protection and provision on the victimized spouse. He sees and honors our hearts! Isn’t he good?

  7. I am so touched with what have read.I am also a victim of divorce i got seperated from my husband 6 years ago.I have three children whom i had to live behind since i was not financially stable which added to my pain even deeper.I used to cry like a little child in my single room house,but thanks be to my Great I AM who has been there for me ever since. My prayer is that one day God will give me back my children.The only love i offer my babies is going on my knees everyday for them and praying for Gods love and the umbrella of blood of Jesus to always cover them.King Jesus is my everything.I love him so much He has sail me through all those years and this is my seventh year.

    1. Oh, Lydiah! I am so sorry. I can’t imagine the depth of pain of leaving your children on top of divorce. I will join you in prayer for your children. I pray that one day you will be able to embrace them, that they will know their mother’s love. I pray that they will know the many prayers that you have poured out on their behalf. I pray that they will know the mother who has only been sustained by her Savior!

      1. Thank you so much Dena i know that the Lord will answer our prayer.Thanks again and be blessed.

  8. My world was shaken yesterday. My husband has said he was going to divorce me for 15 months ago. I have been praying and walking as faithfully as I can. I knew in my heart of hearts he was having an emotional affair. Yesterday, my world was shaken. I confirmed something more. I know now that unless God intervenes I will be divorced by the end of summer. I am gratefully to hear that your children are thriving. That has encouraged me. I want him to leave, but I don’t know how my kids will get to school. I teach at a different school and leave early to get to school on time.

    1. I am so sorry. Your pain is fresh, and fears abound. The unknown future looms large. So many logistics to work out. And yet, they always seem to work out. Remember that none of this took God by surprise. He is still in control. He is weaving all of these horrible, awful circumstances together to make something beautiful out of the mess.

      Lord Jesus, I lift Jennifer before you today. Take each and every piece of her broken heart in your hands. Hold her close and tight. Be near and bind up her wounds. May you be her security, her peace. Honor her commitment and faithfulness to you. Reveal yourself as the Great I Am.

  9. Hi Dena,
    I write bcoz I was so inspired of ur courage 2 stand 4 God! He is truly d “Great I am!” Who was & is d one 2 Come to jugde & condemn…I was actually in every same situation that’s y I still haven’t had a chance 2 divorce my husband…idk what 2 do but I ask, seek, & Pray 4 His will 2 be done continuously in my relationship, challenges & future situation…I have failed Our Savior many times 2 d point of even critically involving all d people around me’pitch in, talked about it, say a lot of things regarding my faith in Christ, condemning & judging me as d Pharisees did…& those r d people “man & woman of God” who r supposed 2 be my biblical mentor…
    Honestly, I only care about what Jesus said 2 me!!! That He Loves me!’ He died 4 me! He has 4given my many sins & He is able 2 change me!
    God is exceedingly abundantly more than able 2’give more what we ask or imagine…
    U r a blessed child & a woman of God, loved by God! Chosen by Him & none can steal d gift & d Peace that God has already given u! God bless u & take care…
    Ana

    1. Ana, you are absolutely correct. Only one thing matters: what he says about you. We have all failed him. We have all fallen short of his standard. It is only because of his extravagant grace lavished upon any of us that we can enjoy his blessings. The one who has been forgiven much will appreciate the gift even more. I pray that Hod will give you the wisdom and direction that you seek, that you will have the strength to walk forward in his goodness and his grace. God bless!

  10. Thank you so much for sharing your own pain of divorce, to help those like me..I’m a Christian and I thought my husband of 10.5 years was too..turns out, he didn’t believe in faithfulness, fidelity. .etc. I finally had to walk out of the marriage, after he refused to see what he was doing was so wrong, refusing to accept God’s words, …my heart hurt for a long time, but I am healing. I lean on Him every day, especially when the sting of rejection, knocks on my door..

    1. I understand your pain so well. Yes, fidelity is key. Somehow, their minds become deceived. They doubt the good gifts God has placed in their lives. They think that God is withholding blessings. Sometimes, the only thing we can do is walk away. It’s good to know that you are healing. It’s a long journey, but God will bless it beyond your greatest imagination! When rejection knocks, know that you are loved–by your Savior and by me!

  11. What a fantastic blog. I went through a divorce 14 years ago after 15 years of marriage. My ex-wife left me and our 4 children for another woman. My children and I were devastated but God saw us all through the pain to the other side. He was faithful and true to his promises to be the great comforter. Now I am remarried to a wonderful woman who loves me and my children. With that being said, through all of this I have learned to be more understanding of those who have gone or are going through the pain of divorce. Dena, those who are judging you do not know you, do not know the pain of losing your life to divorce, and most of all, do not truly know the heart of our grace giving Savior. Keep up the good work…

    1. Stephen, your journey sounds so much like mine! I am so much more living and compassionate. I no longer hold to a legalistic set of dos and don’ts. It is amazing the freedom! You are so right: those hurling judgment do not understand the extravagant grace of our Savior!

  12. One of the hardest things I had to endure was my husband’s transferring his guilt onto me. While he was the unfaithful one in our marriage, he accused me of having an affair (Didn’t happen!) & wanting a divorce (Never considered that!). During his 8-month affair, he was telling my friends & family members that I was cheating on him. Oh, how that hurt! I didn’t know how I would ever receive vindication. Some family & friends even stopped speaking to me. I felt so alienated. Gradually, though, over the past 4 years since my husband left, God has been taking care of all the details when I TRUST Him. The truth eventually comes out. His light reveals it. By our fruits (Fruits of the Spirit) they shall know us.

    1. I have prayed Psalm 37:4-7 nearly every day. May my righteousness shine like the dawn and the justice of my cause like the noonday sun. Yes, my husband also accused me of multiple affairs. Apparently, he has even convinced his family because they have slandered me to crosswalk. But God… God has always been my defender, always brought the truth to light. I think the guilt and shame they carry is so great that they shift responsibility, hoping to eliminate the burden they carry. When your mind is deceived by Satan, you can’t tell truth from fiction. I am sorry you have dealt with the pain. I know it so well.

      1. Yes, he’s so angry at “the System”, people who have kind of shunned him, & at me. I think he even believes his own lies. In the few times I’ve seen him after he left, I thought he looked like concrete or stone (sin-hardened?). Somehow he has to justify his new relationship. It’s been almost 3 years since the divorce (word still makes me sick) was final. He hasn’t married his lover. He’s living behind closed drapes & blinds. He brags that he has never spent a night at her house, but she apparently sleeps where ever he goes. He seems to be trying to hide from me & from God. He can hide from me & from other people, but is it possible to hide from God? Thankfully, I don’t have to fix what’s wrong. I only need to let God use me, remold & remake me as He desires. So far He’s taking me on a beautiful new journey. I want for nothing. I continue praying almost daily for my husband, that God will have mercy on him as He’s had mercy on me. I’ve been forgiven much. I deserved death. I want to extend God’s grace to others (even my husband & his girlfriend) as He has extended it to me.

      2. Your attitude is so perfect! I agree with you. I think they tell the lies so often that they do begin to believe them. And, we can’t do anything about their attitudes and actions–except pray and trust God to deal with them on his time, in his way.

  13. We attended a very large church, so when my cheating husband walked out on our 14 year marriage and our 6 and 7-year-old kids, few people knew it happened, and I could attend church in peace. And fortunately, those who did know did not condemn me. I was faithful to my vows for the 7 years between his leaving and finally divorcing me to marry his partner in adultery. And I remained faithful even after they had two children. But after being alone for 16 years, I finally spoke to a pastor at church and pretty much dared him to tell me I was not required to remain single for the rest of my life. He shared with me all the different opinions based on Scripture, and then he said our church would rather err on the side of grace. So if God was giving me peace about eventually getting remarried, then I could accept it and move forward with my life. I am still single but feel hopeful about the future.

    1. Good for your pastor! I agree with him completely. I will always err on the side of grace and mercy and love! Remember, God looks at your heart. He sees your desire to be faithful to him. He honors your commitment. I do not believe that he requires those of us whose lives have been wrecked by adultery to remain single. I fall in line with less legalistic interpretations. One day I might find that I was wrong, but I KNOW what God has laid on my heart. And, I will walk forward in the freedom he has given me! I pray that you will find that same freedom. God bless!

    1. My husband chose to leave a faithful, loving wife for another woman. He rejected my offer of forgiveness and chose to continue his affair and actively date others.

  14. Luke 13:1-5 New International Version (NIV)

    Repent or Perish

    13 1 Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices.
    2 Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way?
    3 I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.
    4 Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem?
    5 I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”

  15. America = 21 century sodom and Gomorrah . there is not much time left before God poured his wrath on this Wicked Country! Judgement day is coming soon repent before it’s too late.

    1. I, too, pray that America (and all the world) will repent. Sin and evil abound. However, I would be quite comfortable meeting my Savior tonight. I know that I am covered by the blood of my Jesus!

  16. What is wrong with americans !
    america’s divorve rate is number 1 in the world .
    God must be so angry about that fact.
    dont you agree that the United state is so sinful nation .
    I was married american women so called christian american white women .
    her name is kimberly grant and i think she represent current american church .
    because she slept with so many man before she got married and i didnt slept with any women
    before i got married . and then 5 month later we got a fight and then she kick me out and seeking other guy. i beg her for mercy and trying to reconcile with her . but she reject me . and then
    when i visit her apartment last time she called the police and then throw me jail .
    for Stalking . Stalking? i’m her husband i can’t understand about americans
    what kind of christian is that? Is american christain women just like that?

    what is wrong with american women. i just dont get it .
    I suggest 1 corinthians 13

    1. Hi Andro. Let me start by saying that I am so sorry you have experienced such pain. It’s obvious that you have been hurt deeply and that the pain is still real. I understand that pain so well. Yes, America has become an incredibly immoral place, and it breaks my heart. But, to characterize all Americans (or American women) as immoral is not fair. You see, I too was a virgin when I married. I married a man that I thought was as committed to Christ as I was. I signed up to have a marriage that goes the distance, a marriage that reflects the image of Christ.

      Unfortunately, at some point, my husband’s heart hardened. He chose to walk away from our marriage into the arms of another woman. When he was caught, I offered forgiveness. He chose to continue his adulteress relationship AND began to date other women as well.

      Malachi 2 is very clear that men (or women) should not heap evil and violence upon the spouse. That’s what my husband did to me. He was guilty of breaking out covenant.

      I was raised in a human tradition that allows for divorce and remarriage in the case of adultery (see the Sermon on the Mount). I realize there are other interpretations. However, all arguments are based on human traditions/interpretations of scripture. If you hold to a different interpretation, I respect that. I will support you in that. I only ask the same respect for my belief that lands on a different interpretation.

      One day I will meet my Savior. Although I see in part today, one day I will know in full. Perhaps one day God will say to me, “Dena, you came down on the wrong side of the argument.” And, for that, I’m SO glad there’s grace! He looks at my heart. He knows that I long to know him and do his will. And I believe that I will hear those words I long for, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

      Until that day when my judge reveals my sins, I will always err on the side of grace, mercy, and love!

      God bless!

  17. Dena, please go to Divorce Hope by Stephen Gola & read how he explains things. This surely has made me think differently. Thanks.

  18. Such a strong trend here Dena, almost every woman commenting has a similar story to share. Most distressing to me is that not only are the churches failing to minister when members go through a divorce, but they are failing to minister to the unmarried in “Disaster Preparation.” So frightened are we as churches to mention “The D Word” that we are sending our young people, raised in church, many of them homeschooled, out into the world of marriage with no worst case scenario training, as if the very act of mentioning divorce to a dating couple, or an engaged couple would curse them somehow. And when worse case scenarios hit, precious Christians are left confused and what I see to almost always be the case, ashamed!! Why are Christian women consistently made to feel ashamed after they have already endured years of emotional abuse, infidelity and disappointment? I do not understand this. All I know to do is keep serving my Lord, now separated and single, keep trying to be my best self and train my own children to know that marriage “is honorable in all” it is a wonderful gift from God, many people (both sets of their grandparents for example) stay married for decades until death. I am praying they each have this wonderful gift in their lives. But along with that I WILL give them guidance on how to know when things are going wrong, what steps to take when things go wrong and when to “let the unbelieving depart” if a marriage becomes destructive to them. Ladies there is hope after divorce. You will be okay. I am in year two of being a single, work at home, homeschooling mother of four children under the age of 11. I am okay. You will be okay too 🙂 I love each of you even though I do not know you. And most of all our Father loves all of us even when the men we most depended on lets us down, our Father is still there.

    1. Oh, how right you are! I understand churches preaching “never give up,” and yet it leaves so many in abusive and dangerous situations. I’m not sure that we’ve captured God’s TRUE heart on marriage and divorce. We miss the fact that even when ONE partner is walking faithfully with God, the other can harden his/her heart and destroy a marriage. My heart breaks day after day for so many wallowing in guilt and shame. That is the exact opposite of what God has for his children! There is life–abundant life–even after divorce. There’s hope. There’s beauty. There’s blessing. We need to pray that our children have long, healthy marriages, but we also must know that life happens. I’m with you 100%!

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