Grace, Hope, promises, Spiritual Growth

I’m Tired

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being responsible for everything in our home. Making the money. Paying the bills. Balancing the checkbook. Making all of the decisions. Doing all of the grocery shopping. Planning all the meals. It’s exhausting to carry the burden alone, to have no one else to help determine the best course of action.

I’m tired of bearing the entire burden of raising children. We have had so many doctor’s appointments lately. We’ve had stress and drama. We have raging hormones. We have had countless late night talks that go way beyond my bedtime, followed by early morning appointments that fit best with my work schedule (but not my workout schedule).

I’m tired of being a chauffeur. With three kids, ages 10-15, we have activities and friends. It seems that there’s rarely an evening that allows me to come home and just enjoy a quiet evening at home. My oldest now has his driver’s permit, but it still requires me to go along.

I’m tired of being tired. Between work and kids and my other responsibilities, I simply never feel truly rested. My exercise routine has dropped off which just makes my energy level that much lower. But, I can’t seem to find a way to add more exercise, to keep things going. If I ever sit down in the evening, my kids start making bets on how long it will take me to fall asleep.

I’m tired of juggling. It seems I have so many balls in the air that I often feel like I’m going to let something fall. I recently woke up with the horrible realization that I had missed my daughter’s parent-teacher conference. Yep. I totally flubbed that one. Major parenting fail.

I’m tired of unanswered prayers. It seems like forever since I’ve seen God pour out a resounding “YES!!” to my prayers. I have so many requests hanging out there. I keep thinking there has to be breakthrough somewhere.

I’m tired of waiting. Oh, the beautiful promises he has given me! But, when? Haven’t I waited long enough? Hasn’t he done enough work in me to fulfill some of those promises…NOW?

I’m tired of silence. Oh, don’t get me wrong. There are days I would love nothing more than a few minutes of silence. But, I’m talking about God’s silence. I would give anything to hear his sweet whisper, just something to get me through the day. It seems that it has been a while.

I’m tired of this season. How many times have I told others to remember that it is just a season? But why does it have to be such a long season for me? Why can’t God see fit to bring this season to an end? Can’t he see that I have done my best to be faithful, even through the hardest times in my life? Can’t he see the growth? Can’t he see that my heart is fully his, that he is officially my greatest desire? Can’t he fulfill my longing to share this life with someone?

I’m tired.

But I will not quit.

My kids are more than worth it. I pray that one day they will look back and see how hard I have worked to provide for them, to keep everything going. I pray that one day they will appreciate my sacrifices. I pray that one day they will tell their spouses, their kids about the wonderful childhood they had despite the less than perfect circumstances.

I know that the future God has for me will far outweigh the pain, the frustration, the hurt. He says he will repay every pain with two blessings (Zechariah 9:12). I’ve seen many, many blessings, and I (normally) recognize that the joys and blessings officially outweigh the pain. I know that my past was ordinary, but my future will be extraordinary (Job 8:7). I know that he is planting the seeds to fulfill my dreams, dreams that have been in my mind for more than 20 years.

I know that even in God’s silence, he is not still. He is working. He is preparing hearts, preparing opportunities. He is moving heaven and earth to accomplish his purposes for me, for my life.

I know that he will sustain me. He tells us not to grow tired of doing what is good because we will reap a harvest of blessing at just the right time if we don’t give up (Galatians 6:9).

He is the God who sees. He is the God who hears. He is the God who is always faithful to keep his promises. He is the God who has great plans for me.

He is my sustainer, my redeemer, my restoration. He is my strength. He is the one I live for.

Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting god, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31

 

******

 

In the days since I wrote this post, God has been so good! He has been constantly reminding me that He is my strength, my hope. He has faithfully reminded me that his yoke is easy and his burden is light.

Here’s the lesson: We all have our days, our moments, when we get down, frustrated, tired of being patient. It’s OK! God understands our frustrations, our weaknesses. He understands our human emotions that sometimes cause us to lose our footing. As long as we run to him in those times, he will faithfully carry us through.

Are you tired like me? Turn to the one who is our strength!

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33 thoughts on “I’m Tired”

  1. Add taking care of a husband with a disability to taking care of the kids by yourself and you have my life…I understand.

    1. Sweet friend, your burden is truly heavy. I wish that I could lighten the load. But, I do know that his yoke is easy and his burden is light–and there is a reward waiting for you! Hang in there! God bless!

    1. You don’t know how I struggled with publishing this post, but it was definitely one God wanted to be read. Glad he used it in your life! God bless!

  2. Praise God, He brings us to that place of sober self examination! He knows what we are doing, and for Him, but sometimes we don’t accurately access things in light of what He is conforming us to. We know that is to Jesus 💜 So inspiring you are! God bless you.

    1. Thank you, Christie! Yes, even as I respond to comments and emails, I am realizing that God is using this season to reveal to me how much I need to be dependent on him. His power through me…

  3. Dena,this week I was listening to a sermon on when we say “Yes” to God using us in ministry. Also if God has placed a vision on our hearts of which we have been waiting for what it seems…a long time and all we hear is…..nothing…silence and God seems to be hiding from us. The preacher said once we say ” Yes” to God He takes us through tests,and the silence and the seemingly “disappearance” of God is a tests for us as He is at our side all the time,but He keeps silent to see what we would do,to test our true sincere heart to see if we desire Him above all or just the gift or desire we want of Him. I use this sermon to help me go through my season of long wait too…..As a friend used to tell me…..God may put on pajamas,but He does not sleep! He is constantly working behind the scenes on our behalf. I desire a close intimate relationship with Him above all else. God bless you Dena.

    1. I love that! Even as I pushed “publish” and began to get comments, I realized that it’s even harder to be fully dependent when he is silent. I do think it is a place of testing to see that my heart is fully his. I’m ready for this season to be over, but I will push on! God bless!

  4. This is very encouraging, and God has put Isaiah 40:30-31 in front of my face at least three times in the last 24 hours; multiple reminders are nice. I pray that God continues to minister to you during this season of your life.

    1. If you’re like me, I sometimes hear the same message over and over. Finally, I just throw up my hands and say, “Ok God, I get it!” Hugs and prayers! God bless!

  5. This got lost in the chaos of my email, so I just got to read it this morning. Which God worked out perfectly, because this is exactly what I needed today! You’ve described my life pretty accurately right now. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not the only one with these issues, and that God is more than enough!

  6. As I am reading this I am wondering if I wrote it myself. I am divorced with 3 boys who keep me extremely busy. My kids mean the world to me and I always tell them, “I don’t have wealth to give you but what I can give you is God”. Thank you for your blog. I know who God is in my life. He gives me all the strength I need.

    1. It’s an exhausting life, huh? I know one day my kids will look back and realize the sacrifices I have made. I pray they will recognize that they had a great–although not perfect–childhood. I pray that they will see that their Heavenly Father has always been there to fill in the gaps!

  7. Wow… Reading your story just blew me away… I felt like I was reading my own words. I too am a single Mom for the past 15 years. I am 46 years young 😏 – boys are 19, 18, & 16 1/2. I too go through phases or seasons of feeling “Life is good” and then other times I am in my knees praying asking The Lord-why am I doing this all myself? Questioning Him if I ever will meet someone to share my life ? Right now I am really struggling with that along with financial difficulties… stress to pay prom, graduation fees, car insurance for boys 🙈….
    Thank you for opening your heart- it’s comforting to know I am not alone. (Not that I wish others to be in the pit too but) I wrote Gal 6:9 at my work desk after reading this to be my encouraging & inspiring verse.

    1. Oh, how I understand! Finances are always a stressor! My son turns 16 in July, and I am trying to figure out how I will afford insurance alone. I love my life, but I’m ready for this season to be over. All I know is that my God is faithful, that he has great plans. I’m tired of clinging, and sometimes feel as if I’m losing my grip on that promise. But I know he is faithful. He will see us through!

  8. This is very powerful.Am touched with the message coz its exactly how sometimes i feel thus at times i feel like a lonely miserable woman without afuture ahead but when i focus on the cross of the Lord,i see my master telling me that it is finished my daughter and that encourages me alot.I know that he owns the key to my life.The loneliness i always feel because my kids whom i love so much are not always there with me, makes me cry alot but again i know that everything happens with areason.Have been praying lately for aspouse thus to remarry again but again my hopes are in the Lord.Am 34years old and i was divorced at age 28yrs and have been alone for the past 7 years but i know that the Lord is my everything my mum, my Dad and husband.being an orphan,He is my parents since they too died when i was very young and my husband since he too divorced me my God is the only one am left with but at times i too get tired of waiting but i believe my prayers are about to be answered I love king Jesus so much.He is my everything.Afriend who has never left me when i need amotherly advise He is always there for me.Just love Him.

    1. Lydiah, you have suffered more pain in your life than anyone should. But I love your spirit! It can be lonely, miserable, overwhelming. This journey for me has been over 6 years now. I believe God has complete redemption in the near future, but sometimes it is so hard to wait even one more day. Just know that you are not alone. Not only does your Heavenly Father have you in his hands, but you are in my prayers. God bless!

  9. I am comforted by your blog. I feel like the only Christian single mom in the world. There is always too much to do and not enough time to do it all. I constantly feel like a failure. I don’t have time to sleep or watch a tv show or have an adult conversation and my house is always a mess. Alone, exhausted, inadequate but, thankful that Jesus set me free.

    1. Oh, Janell! You are NOT alone, and you describe the plight of the single mom so well! My kids found me in the closet floor Saturday, curled in the fetal position, crying hysterically. I am a little better now, but I am far from recovered! We are constantly pouring ourselves out for others, and we have to find ways to get “refilled” or we eventually run dry. I am in the process of trying to discover what will recharge me.

      Please, don’t see yourself as a failure! You are a dearly loved child of the King! You are not parenting alone! He is your co-parent, the Father to your children. He is able to step into your weakness and make his power shine. He is more than able to pick up the slack where we are not enough.

      Love God. Love your kids. And THAT is enough.

  10. Thank you for so honestly and openly sharing your life and trust & love in God to all of us…I have definitely been in a journey of blessings and struggles the last 2.5yrs since completing grad school, as the primary day-to-day family caregiver for my grandfather w dementia–whom I called Sweetie–and uncle w Down Syndrome and dementia…Sweetie died in January and i have been taking care of my uncle and trying to figure out my future since then, which is easily terrifying if i don’t purposefully and repeatedly run to Jesus and surrender to Him. My beloved parents help as much as possible, but with f-t jobs they are often busy as well, & I pray to maintain God’s gift to me as a great caregiver (with my M.S. in gerontology) for as long as He plans me to be…life can easily become scary and overwhelming, but i know my God loves us and is working everything out for our good; so I think you Dena, again, for your strength-giving, Scripture-infused blog to encourage and challenge me.

    1. Thank you for the previous encouragement! What a gift to be able to care for the elderly! I honor you for using that gift! Hang in there, and cling to God! He will see you through!

  11. Amen! Just found your blog today. Don’t know your whole story but think our situations are similar. My ex husband cheated on me for years with porn and women….all while going through counseling and trying to work on it so thinking he was in it and things were stopping, but eventually, he walked out on me. He was not happy. Yet he blamed me (told everyone I emotionally abused him) and he remarried 3 months after the divorce was final. He lives in another city and sees our two young children every third week…..but I am doing everything by myself. I have actively followed Christ for 25 years. My ex seemed to be following Christ, we were very plugged into our Christian community and what is really maddening is he and this new wife are leaders in their church in another city. It has been three years since he left but the weariness and hurt continue strongly…..especially when I see Christians that used to be our good friends and in our community groups, supporting him. It is crazy and makes me crazy…..find myself hanging on to Jesus by a tattered rope that could snap at any time. Thank you for this encouragement. I need to print it out and read it every day!!

    1. I am so sorry! I am in yet another situation now with my ex where I am certain that his version of events is far from the truth. I am certain that his version involves me being the instigator. As difficult as it is, I have learned to trust God to be my defender. The truth will come to light eventually. Some of the most important lessons I have learned involve 1. Surrender to the journey, to the Savior and 2. Forgive. When you surrender, God will sweep in and take over your situation. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Forgiveness sets you free from the anger and the bitterness. It sets you free from the prison that keeps you from moving forward. Ultimately, God is the only one who can take your broken heart and put it all together again. And, he will do so much more than you could ever imagine! It’s a tough journey, but I’ve also found that it can be a very rewarding one! Praying that God shows himself strong in your life!

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