Have you ever had a pity party with God? You know what I’m talking about.
“Why, God?’ we whine. “Why did this have to happen? Why? Why? Why?”
I know I’ve been there. To be honest, I still find myself there frequently. When things just aren’t going right and life is falling apart, I begin to whine. Or, right now, I am so tired of waiting, of just plodding forward, day by day, step by step, enduring the mundane details of life. I am so ready for God to pour out his power, to see a mighty display of his sovereignty. And I find myself whining…
I don’t think God has a problem with us asking, “Why?” I think it’s normal human nature. But, rarely do we get an answer to our “Why?” questions in the heat of the moment. Instead, he pours out his love and grace. He lavishes us with his peace and his presence.
And he says, “Just trust me. It will all make sense one day.”
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
Seven years ago, when this crazy journey first began, I saw all of these unrelated events coming together into an amazing picture. I always thought of it as a mosaic, as God taking these little tiles of different events and putting them together to create a masterpiece. It was fascinating to have a different perspective, to begin to see God’s creative genius creating a bright future in the midst of my darkest hours.
And this last weekend, it happened again.
I attended my first ever writing conference in Oklahoma City. I honestly had no idea what to expect. I thought I would be learning how to get a publisher, perfect my craft, write a book proposal, etc.
What I didn’t expect was to encounter God. Yes, it was a Christian writer’s conference, but I never dreamed how God would reveal himself to me.
The very first session (and several others) left me with tears streaming down my face. God overwhelmed me with his goodness and grace poured out over my life. I gained a new perspective on unrelated events in my life. I began to once again see the amazing masterpiece God is crafting, the mosaic of my life.
Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Please, come near me,” and they came near. “I am Joseph, your brother,” he said, “the one you sold into Egypt. And now don’t be worried or angry with yourselves for selling me here, because God sent me ahead of you to preserve life. Genesis 45:4-5
When I was in high school, I dreamed of writing. God planted that dream deep within my heart many, many years ago. Then I went to college. I had no idea what I should major in, what kind of degree I should work on. I even asked some of the professors what direction to go if my dream was to write Christian books. For some reason, I ended up in the public relations program, a cross between journalism and marketing.
Over the next few years, I took a position first teaching middle school and next writing computer training manuals. In my computer position, I also did classroom training, gaining experience speaking in front of adults.
Eventually, with my writing dream buried deep beneath my life, I needed a job that would provide me with freedom to still be a mom. My life was falling apart, and my priority was earning enough money to support my kids. I earned my nursing degree. I was blessed to minister to hospital patients, honing my ministry skills, while supporting my kids. But, after a few years, I stepped out of bedside nursing into a nursing/marketing job.
And do you know what I learned in the very first session of the writer’s conference? That being a writer requires writing, speaking, and marketing skills!
I knew that my writing and speaking experience was of great importance. But to realize that the public relations and marketing experience was of equal or greater importance? I had no idea!
But God knew.
God knew his purpose for me twenty years ago. He knew that he created me to write. And he knew the public relations and marketing experience was invaluable for me. He has been putting the pieces of my life together, one by one, tile by tile, all of my life. AHA! It all makes sense.
Who knows, perhaps you have come to your royal position for such a time as this.” Esther 4:14
Throughout scripture, we see characters enduring difficulties, devastation. Moses was left by his parents, raised as an Egyptian, rejected by his people, banished to the wilderness…before God revealed his greater plan and purpose, before Moses understood how all of the unrelated pieces fit together. Joseph was sold by his brothers, wrongly accused and imprisoned, forgotten…before God raised him to a position of power where he saved many, including his own family. Esther was forced into a harem, chosen as the king’s wife, and put her life in danger…so God could use her to save the Israelites. Over and over we see God preparing his people for the work he has planned for them…even though it didn’t make sense at the time.
And then one day… One day, that AHA! moment happens. One day, we see life from God’s perspective. One day, we catch a glimpse of the greater plans God is working out in his sovereignty. One day, we begin to understand why all these things happened. One day, the mosaic of our lives begins to come into focus.
I don’t know where you are on this journey. I don’t know if you’ve had your AHA! moment or if you are still wallowing in your pity party. I don’t know if you are beginning to see the beautiful mosaic or if you are still struggling to keep your head above water.
But I do know my God. I know that he is a master creator, a master artist, intricately weaving the details of your life together into a masterpiece. I know that he can see the final creation, and he is carefully leading you down the path to fulfill your purpose. I know that he understands your hurt and pain and confusion and your questioning.
And he calls out, “Just trust me. Trust my heart. Trust that I know what I am doing and it is for your good. When your heart is breaking and you don’t feel like you can take another step, run to me. I will catch you. I will hold you. I will love you. And I will work all of these things into a masterpiece.”