Emotional Abuse, Faith, Grace, Surviving Adultery and Divorce

Behind Closed Doors

“He is a charismatic leader at church,” the email begins. “Everyone loves him. They believe everything he says. He has managed to turn everyone against me. But they don’t know the man he becomes behind closed doors.”

I receive emails similar to this almost every day. Male and female. Young and old.

Emotional abuse is no respecter of age or race or gender or religion.

And it’s at epidemic proportions.

“I’ll never forget the day he called my four year old daughter a little sh**.”

“Everything is always my fault. He is never at fault for anything.”

“He is controlling. I have to ask for money just to put gas in my car to get to and from work.”

“She is so emotionally unstable. I never know if she will be as sweet as can be or if I need to fear for my life. I feel so unsafe.”

“He’s never actually hit me, but sometimes I am afraid he will.”

“Fits of rage. You never know what will cause it. The wrong word. The wrong meal. An unexpected bill. I become so scared.”

“We are married, but I am emotionally starved. He spends all his time on the computer. He doesn’t want anything to do with me…except sex. Rough sex. I beg him to go have fun, to do something with me. But he refuses.”

“She even has the counselor convinced that I am the problem. Sometimes I actually believe I am the problem.”

“He had an affair, but somehow it was made to be my fault. Even when I offered forgiveness and reconciliation, I was still the evil one.”

“The night he flew into a fit of rage and began punching holes in the walls, I didn’t know what he might do to me. I was so scared I left and slept in my car.”

Eventually, some victims reach their breaking point. For many, it’s adultery. Repeated, on-going affairs with no repentance. The offender wants to keep his family, but refuses to let go of his lover. For others, it is simply the loss of self that pushes them over the edge. And others simply begin to fear it will escalate into physical abuse.

When the victim becomes strong enough to walk away, you can be assured there will still be attempts to maintain control.

“I was dropping my kids off with him one day, and he made a huge scene in the parking lot of McDonald’s. Yelling and screaming. A fit of rage. All because I chose to pray with each child…on what he referred to as his time.”

“She continues to tell everyone how it was my fault, how I am turning the kids against her. She’s told so many lies, I’m not sure she knows the truth.”

“She refuses to let me see my children, even when the court has ordered it.”

“I woke up to find the air had been let out of all my tires on my car so I was late to work.”

“He has started coming over and doing these little things he put off for years. I think he is just trying to gain control again because I finally stood up for myself.”

“It’s amazing how he wants me to shoulder all of the daily responsibilities of caring for the children, but he gets angry when I don’t do it his way.”

Perhaps the worst part is when the children become victims of the emotional abuse. The day you choose not to bend to his wants and whims and he takes it out on the kids. Or she’s just in a bad mood. Or he doesn’t get his way.

“Mom, we wanted to go to our soccer games this weekend, but he got mad when we told him. He had other plans even though he knew we had games. He flew into a rage and began yelling all kinds of curse words until we said it was ok if we missed our games.”

“He’s so emotionally unstable. It scares me. He yelled and screamed at us for two hours. And then, suddenly, he was so calm and peaceful. It was eery. I stayed up all night in fear of what he might do to us.”

“I found porn on his computer, and now I am struggling to stop looking at it myself.”

“I had a bad dream! It was about this scary movie we watched at his house.”

“Mom, I see these stories of dads who murder their kids and then commit suicide. I’m afraid that will happen to us one day.”

Yet, the court has ordered men and women everywhere to send their children to see the other parent, the emotionally abusive parent. It’s so difficult to get anyone to listen to the stories, to recognize it as abuse…until it becomes physical.

And then it may be too late.

And the church?

So often, emotional and verbal abuse is not recognized by the church as abuse. The abuser is charismatic, well liked. He or she may be so good at portraying a godly persona that others are fooled. The abuser has the ability to make the victim look like the crazy one, turning everyone against him. The victim becomes further isolated, nowhere to turn for help.

If/when the victim decides to leave? The church shuns her.

“Divorce is only allowed in a situation of adultery or abandonment. It can’t be that bad. You need to stay and stick it out.”

Unless you’ve lived through it, you cannot fully comprehend what emotional abuse does to a person. Loss of identity. Loss of confidence. Loss of self.

The victim becomes a shell of the person he was created to be in Christ Jesus. She is unable to fulfill the purpose for which she was created. He doubts everything about himself. She contemplates suicide.

And the kids? The children suffer. Become dysfunctional. Learn the controlling, manipulative, angry ways of the abusive parent. Learn what marriage is meant to be from the example they witness.

Some common characteristics? Narcissism. Pornography. Drug or alcohol addiction. Charisma. Insecurity. Inability to admit their own faults, to take responsibility for their actions.

They surround themselves with enablers, the sweet, kind, meek person who will bend to their whims, allowing them to control at all costs. They prey—perhaps even subconsciously—on good, Christian girls who will fight for the marriage at all costs. They misuse scripture to get their way, to convince their husbands they are the ones going against God’s will.

And the church turns a blind eye, saying it is the Christian duty to stay in the marriage at all costs.

Am I saying that we walk away at the first sign of trouble? Absolutely not! We each have the ability to cross that line at some point.

But there comes a time when we must recognize that emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse is truly abuse. That it destroys the heart and soul of the victim. That it creates more abusers as the children witness that example. That it is from the evil one himself, stealing, killing, destroying the life of the victim.

That perhaps, the best thing for the children would be to get out of that environment, to see and experience a normal, healthy way of doing family.

That if we, as the church, remain silent about the subject, we are guilty of allowing it to continue, of perpetuating the cycle.

That we, as the church, need to understand that many walk away from their marriages for very good reasons, reasons that may not be obvious to outside observers.

That we, as the church, need to step up and love divorcees unconditionally because you never know what they have suffered, endured.

That we, as the church, need to recognize that we live in a fallen world where sin abounds, and that sometimes God’s ideal of one man, one woman for life can become a place of incredible bondage that destroys a victim’s heart and soul (which is not God’s ideal).

That we, as the church, will never fully understand what goes on in someone else’s marriage.

That we, as the church, do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

43 thoughts on “Behind Closed Doors”

  1. I appreciate this so much! I was a victim of emotional/mental abuse. He was a closet alcoholic as well. Then the Lord had him leave one day. Saving me from my own ridiculous decision, knowing I never should’ve been married to him. You described everything perfectly. It’s good to read about it knowing God continually helps you heal and that you can help others as well. On May 18, 2016 9:32 PM, “Dena Johnson Ministries” wrote:

    > Dena Johnson posted: ““He is a charismatic leader at church,” the email > begins. “Everyone loves him. They believe everything he says. He has > managed to turn everyone against me. But they don’t know the man he becomes > behind closed doors.” I receive emails similar to this al” >

    1. I am so glad God saved you! He is so faithful! Yes. God can use your unique stories and gifts to help you help others…and in turn heal you! Stand strong, my friend!

    2. I am in an abusive relationship right now I find myself very lost I stay for my own selfish reason my self esteem is very low everytime i get an job I loose it within 3 months an then I allow the drugs to take control I am living without hope….

      1. Sweet friend! There is an answer and His name is Jesus Christ! He came to free us from abuse and from the power of sin and addiction over our lives. Please, seek out a strong biblical counselor. Ask them for resources in your area. Surrender to the Savior so you can experience true freedom!

        Lord Jesus, I lift Kerri to you. Show her your power. Set her free from her circumstances. May she find true abundant life in your presence. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

      2. Hi, my name is Aubrey. I am also living in a verbally abusive marriage and I can relate to every part of you comment. I just wanted to say that I’m praying for you and I hope this still isn’t continuing to happen today. My god be with you and god bless!

    3. I enjoyed this read! It’s as if no one ever came out to say it out loud because it’s not popular to uncover the unmentionables!
      No one thinks there is guidelines and boundaries in this life, except what is seen!
      Thank you for this post! I want to share it and hopefully many can get the help they need to open up and release the bondage of sin within!

  2. This resonates with our experience! So true! My church leaders have been supportive — others vary, which is why I never announced it or share it far and wide. He almost never went with us anyway so we don’t look any different to most people and I let it go at that cause most people don’t truly understand nor really want or need to.

  3. Dena
    What she describes has all the making of a full-blown narcissist. The blaming; the emotional and verbal abuse; the inability to empathize; the demonstration of intimacy only through sexual; the control; the need to belittle and crush the spirit of others around him in order to feel more powerful.
    They are some of the most destructive people in the world. In my counseling practice I work with women who have been married to narcissists and when they finally get the courage to leave the real hell begins. It is then time for scorch earth tactics in the narcissist will be everything to paint the victim as crazy and incompetent. They will attempt to financial ruin the spouse and turn the children against her. It is tragedic and individuals on the outside looking in – including the church – need to examine closely what is really going on. And they will find that the woman is a victim of Battered Women’s Syndrome. They need to rally around her and protect her from further harm.
    A narcissist rarely will enter counseling to fix themselves (because they don’t believe there is anything wrong with them). They will go to counseling to point the finger at their spouse and attempt to convince the counselor they are doing everything possible to work with her. That is why a woman who wants to get her narcissist husband into counseling should be sure the counselor has experience dealing with narcissists. If not the situation will get worst as he gains leverage from the counselor that she needs to make changes.
    It’s sad and when you see it up close it makes you want to scream about the injustice being done to these women.
    Thanks for helping open eyes to this situation.

    1. What I don’t understand is how these people will mistreat a spouse, leave, marry someone else, and live with the new spouse the next couple of decades. Why don’t they abuse the new spouse? Why the sudden change? I hear of this happening all the time. Me included. Another thing I don’t understand is why men get all the blame. I know a woman who severely abuses a very kind man. Then she pretends to be excessively loving in public. Is it wrong to pray she will be found out for her abuse? He will never leave her because she said she would accuse HIM of the abuse.

      1. I don’t have answers. My ex was engaged at the time of his death. He treated her and her kids great…but they weren’t married yet. Would he have returned to his old ways after he married? I don’t know. Or did he finally come to understand his mistakes and change his ways? I know he never sought forgiveness from me or my kids. And, yes, I know a number of men who have dealt with the same thing. I try to always remember that when I write. It’s just a sad statement on our society.

    2. Yes, Ed. I hear it every day. I’ve lived it (to a much lesser degree than some). I only want to be a voice for those who are suffering, for the hurt and the downtrodden.

      Thank you so much for sharing. I hope many will read your comment and understand what they are suffering. Maybe you could even write a guest post for me?

    3. I did 6 months of marriage counseling with him, the counselor babies him and ended up calling me hard hearted. He cried in there a lot but never attempted any changes at home. Then did 6 months of parenting therapy where he told all his stories about his parenting insights and skills. Nothing changed but we got past the 6 months ordered by the judge so we could move forward with the divorce. He is very smooth and charming.

  4. This post of yours is soooo true for so many people. It felt like I talked and somebody listened and really heard me and wrote down what the truth really is. It is a lesson for all to not judge what you have not lived yourself. We dont ever really know the story unless we are a part in it..not an outsider who speaks without experience. For anyone who has dealt with these things know that God hears you and will rescue you at exactly the right moment….remember to keep doing the right thing and dont ever retaliate against the offender…let the Lord fight your battle and you will be a victor and not a victim.

    1. Amen, and amen! I’m glad I can put words to your life and your experience. I really hope one day I can write an entire book on this topic. It must be addressed in the church! We are failing miserably, heaping guilt and shame on those who have suffered immense hurt and pain. This should not be.

  5. This is sooo my situation.. Married a narcissist.. Terrible verbal, emotional, spiritual abuse ( along with a couple pushes and shoves).. I didn’t know what I was involved with until I was removed from the situation and the fog cleared… Now I carry tremendous guilt for divorcing.. Married 5 months the separated, dated for 3 years.. Chronic Cheater, liar. I feel so stupid and responsible.
    Thank you so much for this article

    1. Do not feel guilty! God came to set the captives free. It’s all through scripture! Sometimes you have to walk away for your own health and safety, and God knows that. I remember the day God showed me I was free. I had reluctantly asked the attorney to file the divorce papers. That weekend, I found his online dating site. I sat in my front yard, laughing hysterically. God set me free, and I’ve never looked back!

  6. Thanks for sharing this important issue. This is also a cry from my heart. Where is the church to help? It is my experience also. But…God will make people ready for helping, the persons who were going through this ….I want to be one of them!

  7. Such an important issue & great points made by Dena and Edcappa!
    I have gone through 2 years of sheer and utter hell, where was there church in all of this – at my now ex-husbands side.
    His dear “Christian counsellor” phoned me and told me that at no time had he compromised my safety – that I had sent the messages to the man who was supposed to (in short) “teach me a lesson”!
    After that & getting no support from the church, I left.
    I did however start attending a small group (home group/cell group) associated to that particular church – last October I was called into a meeting, informed that I was no longer welcome in that group & that if I wanted to be in that group I was to “make right with the church and go for counselling at the churches counselling centre” . . . . . (no church leaders or pastors, just my small group leader!).
    As I had done nothing wrong nor bad mouthed the church I refused to apologise and make right, I also told them that I had gone to see the church counsellors, but that I was now seeing a psychologist and there was no need to see a church counsellor.
    I was then told for over an hour what a liar I was, that I had done the church wrong etc.
    Needless to say I told the church that I was not interested and walked away! So much for the church being a place for the hurting!
    2 years later, my ex continues to go around telling people what an awful person I am, just how badly I had treated him and he continues to ruin my life. (After a short chat with one of the church leaders I was told “wow, he is just sooo convincing, just shows that you cannot believe everything someone tells you” – for that I have no words!)
    I am in a much better place now that I have been in 3 years, God has shown me that I am precious to Him, that it does not matter what others say and do, that He is for me, that He loves me & I am secure it that!

    1. Yes, you ARE precious to God! I am SO sorry the “church” treated you that way. I’m not sure I can even call it a church, to be honest. It’s heart-breaking. Please know there are other churches out there that will embrace you and love you. Know that God brings truth to light, in His time and in His way. At some point, your ex-husband WILL be held accountable. Hugs and prayers!

  8. Yes, this is very common. I lived through it. Only God can help rebuild your life. A good book I found was, “fool proofing your life” by Jan Silvious. It does take a strong mind to make hard decisions when you are married to someone like this. And yes, they are really good at the Wolf in sheep’s clothing. Reach out to friends you feel safe with.stay connected and know you are of incredible value to God. Do not listen to they lies of a fool. Protect your heart . But Don’t burn your partner at the stake.. Just know God’s wisdom in dealing with a fool. Ask God.

  9. Dear Brothers and Sisters: If you or anybody you know has been hurt by an abusive person, here is a resource that can help you understand the healing process. There is a very good book on forgiveness titled “When You’ve Been Wronged: Moving From Bitterness to Forgiveness” by Erwin W. Lutzer, who is the pastor of the Moody Church. In his book he describes these abusive personalities, and the things they do. He calls them “sociopaths” and “destroyers” and includes another category called “spear throwers”. I highly recommend it to anyone that has or has had abusive people in thier lives. One thing this book says is sometimes reconcilliation is not possible, if the abuser refuses to acknowledge thier part. You can buy this book used cheap on Amazon! https://www.amazon.com/When-Youve-Been-Wronged-Forgiveness/dp/0802488978?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1458422237&redirect=true&ref_=olp_product_details&sr=1-1

  10. I needed to read this. Its the sign I prayed about last night. I’m no where close to perfect but almost everyday my husband makes me feel worthless. Sometimes silence can hurt a marriage. Out biggest problem is money. I work full time and help with all the bills. He pays mortgage ($500) a month. He’s does roofing and leaves at 6:30 am and gets home at around 10 pm. He never had money. I have a bank account and had asked him numerous of times to share and he says no. He sometimes gets depressed and goes months without working and I get stuck doing it all even raising the kids. But every time I try talking to him he flies off the handle and goes days sometimes weeks without speaking a word. I don’t feel loved. I’m a recovering alcoholic almost 15 months now. I found God. And slowly I’m learning to love myself. Something I was never taught. But I feel no support from my husband. He blames me for everything. I’m learning to control my temper but I get so frustrated when he can go days without speaking a word. I love him. I tried marriage counseling. He showed up to 2 of them out of 5. The last 2 he made excuses as of why he shouldn’t go. I know now I can say I tried. But it takes 2 to make a marriage work and I can’t keep doing this to myself and our children.. I’m going to keep praying about it. Thank you so much for sharing this article.

    1. You are right. It takes two to make a marriage work. I encourage you to keep praying and find some godly counselors, counselors you know you can trust. Living in a bad marriage can suck the life right out of you, pull you away from God and the purpose for which He created you. I know. As a baby Christian, the best thing you can do is surround yourself with others who will help you navigate this path and learn to walk more closely with God. Please know you are in my prayers.

  11. Thank you so much for this. I don’t even know where to start. Although my stbx husband never verbally degraded me, hit me, or otherwise abused me in the world’s eyes (and it seems the churches)
    He ignored me. Spiritually, mentally, sexually. We never shared a bed past four months of marriage out of 16 years together, 1 separated.
    I found that there were some VERY important things he “withheld” from me prior to marriage. Our kids, now teenagers, only ever knew him to sleep on the floor, couch or a chair in the living room. “moms room” was moms room. Never dads.
    Never saw him cuddle or kiss or grab me.
    And I can relate to the “he never hit me, but sometimes there was a look in his eyes…….. ”

    Yet, when we, with me in tears, told the powers that be (ex is a pastor, and continues to pastor the same church we split in) why we were splitting and that I’ve decided “I’d rather be alone on my terms than on someone else’s”
    They promised friendship and unconditional love. “we are always here for BOTH of you”
    It’s been over a year, and I haven’t had any phone calls, messages or cards. No checking in on the kids and I, Just taking my fake exes word that “everything is good”
    That we were “working on things” (although I was never asked by him or them to go to marriage counseling. I’m the one that wanted it and he refused. Nor has he asked me out on a date or to even have a conversation) so I’d love to know how he explained me filing for divorce. I’d love to know what it is they’re believing about me since they only keep in contact with him. I’d love to know why they never followed up. I’d love to know if they realize he didn’t fight for our marriage, or in a year’s time has never had his kids overnight nor is he asking for any custody rights. That he only made a counseling appointment and maybe went (just for himself) when he knew he would be meeting with one of them in the following week. Otherwise did not go on a regular basis. I wonder if they know I wanted to die. That the only thing that kept me from driving off the road one day before we split, was my kids. I wonder if they know that after 9 months of getting myself intense counseling, the counselor released me because once I made the decision to leave him, I no longer cried for an hour straight every two weeks and she knew the kids and I were going to be OK. Better. That we would thrive without him. And we have.

    No, because they don’t care to know any of that.

    May I forever be, the person that cares.

    1. I’m so sorry. There are very charismatic people who have the ability to spin things to make it out to be someone else’s fault, to make the other person look vicious, vindictive, abusive. I know. I’ve been there. But God has a way of bringing truth to light. I love your heart, your attitude. Yes, hold your head high. Move forward with your kids by your side. Let them see how God holds you close, provides for you, helps you thrive!

  12. Hi. I am new to this and realize this post was from some time ago, but no matter, it touched a very sore spot in my heart bc it describes what my life and marriage is currently like. My husband is a great man but has a drinking problem and when he drinks he becomes extremely verbally abusive. He had so many insecurities that it’s gotten to the point to where he always makes comments, accussations ..etc.. even not being intoxicated. Yesterday some guys drove by us while we were walking and I looked up and he made such a hurtful comment about how I was just starring at him.. as if I was trying to check this man out or something. We have 4 beautiful children that I’m afraid are going to start seeing this side of their father as they grow and it scares me. I started to use prescription drugs and others to try to cope with my life and the abuse I go to. I’ve tried to explain to my husband how he is destroying my heart and soul.. mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, but I fear he has no idea what I mean or feel. Nothing is ever enough to make him stop drinking. It’s so hard and I feel myself fading away. I’ve prayed and prayed and I’m so scared maybe I’m not praying right or maybe I’m not giving enough to god bc I just want and need his help so bad. 🙁

    1. It’s not about how hard you are praying. God sees and hears your prayers. But, there comes a point where we must stop enabling the abusers in our lives, a point where we must stand up and demand respect. Abusers will never see it unless they feel extreme pain.

      I’m so sorry you are walking this painful, lonely road. It’s so hard. But, when we focus on God, He is faithful to provide and heal and carry us through.

    2. Hi Aubrey,
      I’m glad you found this post. I found it a while back myself. I can assure you that turning to God is a great step in the RIGHT direction Actually the ONLY step in the right direction. It does not take you out of the situation (sometimes I wish it did), you still have a husband that is not caring for others by his behaviour. For me I just wanted people to tell me what to do and how to fix it. I was way out of my depth, It really brought me to my knees,,,quite literally sometimes. The emotional pain of everything is so much, so intense. I understand why you try to numb that pain…But if you can, just let it pull you to the ground and ask God for help..my best prayer in desperation was “God , HELP ME!!”. I was not taken out of the situation at the time, BUT that contact/pleading in desperation with God slowly moved my thoughts to Him more and a sense of some peace did happen…He became a bigger part of my life. And God also did work out practical things for me, counselors, friends, houses, legal advice, money…I had no choice but plead with God through it all… and I’m more alive then I’ve been before. The biggest mistake in my thinking that God wanted to correct was that my wife should not be my god..God should be my God. As soon as that huge shift happened and I was forced to plead to him in my pain, I was able to see things from the right perspective. God says he knows the plans for you and they are good. I know this does not feel “good” at the moment but this just may be the avenue through which God gets your attention to move you into the space He wants you to be…which is a good space. You can see how the current space is not a good one , I mean more emotionally then physically. I would also suggest to reach out to friends and family you trust. I personally found that part of the abusive cycle is to keep it hidden because I loved my wife and did not want to say anything bad about her. But telling the truth to trusted people (that God so lovingly puts in our life path for this reason) is very different to gossiping over coffee..so please have no false guilt over this at all.. Ask God (the person who Fathered your soul) for courage and strength to do this.

      I’ll pray that God gives you real strength ( and wisdom…courage…)to rely on Him in this. And remember, God absolutely does hear those desperate cries of your heart especially when you don’t know what to do and are at the end of your rope.You are, whether you believe it or not, already wrapped up in Gods Love.

      A fellow human being, Loved by God.

  13. Oddly enough, it was a church pastor who first told me to leave, 14 years before I had the strength to say “Enough. ” He said then that my husband had abandoned the marriage emotionally, and that the emotional abuse (and abandonment) was not what God intended. Fellow churchgoers and ladies in my Bible study encouraged me to stay. I justified staying with “it’s not as bad as _________. (Fill in the blanks.)” My children have been manipulated, emotionally and (one) physically abused, encouraged to lie for their dad, not to mention the toll that it took on me. Sadly, the longer I stayed the more it changed me into someone I didn’t want to be. The havoc it has wreaked on my two oldest children’s lives is something for which I don’t believe I will ever forgive myself.

    Christians, there is a fine line between working through issues that come up in a marriage and enabling abusive behavior. Each time someone divorced that we knew from church, my ex would pronounce “See? You don’t have it so bad; we’re still married.” We were far apart on core values and expectations from the very beginning of our marriage and after we had children it got worse. I took the “til death we part” very seriously and he regularly threw it back in my face, even the day we signed the divorce papers.

    A marriage of endurance is NOT a marriage. I am thankful for Christian friends who have also walked this path and a God that never gave up on me.

  14. It is extremely sad and bothersome to see so many of us with similar stories – why are so many men and women abusive in this way? Why can’t people just overcome it and be nice? I will never understand it and I lived with one, trapped as a wife afraid to leave. Thankfully my counselor and some family saw through his lies and fake victim act when he tried to turn everyone against me. My counselor was the one who told me if I didn’t tell him I was getting a divorce, she would! She also told me if I didn’t leave his controlling, verbal abuse, he would destroy me since he had already driven me to an actual deep clinical depression. If she hadn’t seen his true self and had sided with him (the way his own counselor had – I saw how she looked at me, she believed his lies about me along with most of our friends & his whole family) I honestly think I would be in prison or death row for murdering him as my only way out!

    I hope this cycle of abuse can change, I am scared for the future if more and more people are this way instead of kind to others. My own experiences with controlling men have made me very cautious about dating and I rarely go out with any guys because I am afraid they will be fake at first then suddenly turn crazy like so many have. I’d rather be alone that deal with a stalker.

    1. Me too, Tracey. I never dreamed it would be Roy who stole my heart, but he is so, so good to me and the kids. I pray you find someone as wonderful as him.

  15. This is why I no longer attend a church. I have fezperienced almost all of the situations you wrote in this article . It disgust me that so many within the walls of the church are so blinded, in love with the “wolves”. The wolf lovers will not listen to truth, just can’t deal with the sheep anymore .
    I love the Lord
    I have a lot to tell
    I wouldn’t have written my story, and don’t appreciate being treated as if I am a second class Christian because I am divorced.

    1. I am so sorry the Church has hurt you even more. You are the reason I write, hoping somehow we can change the way the church relates to those of us walking through the pain of divorce. I believe God hates divorce because He has a great big daddy’s heart for His children, and He hates to see us hurt. If you read the rest of Malachi 2, you find He really hates the sins that lead to divorce. He hates when spouses are used and abused. And He hurts when the church heaps shame and condemnation upon those of us who already in the throes of pain. Hold onto God, and I pray you can find a church that reaches out and loves you…just as Christ would.

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