O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1
I received a message from a friend recently.
“What do you do when the bad stuff just keeps coming? Not little things like the unexpected bill or problems at school but the big stuff. Things like death and serious illness and major loss. How do you keep going? How do you reconcile the loving God of scriptures with the God who allows loss after loss to just keep coming?”
Yes, I understand her question. I understand the pain behind her words. The confusion. The fear. The frustration. The anger.
She and I have both been hit hard over the last few years. And it seems the hits just keep coming. We both find ourselves treading water, barely able to keep our heads above water.
And the never-ending trials have driven me to my knees with one simple prayer:
God, I’m desperate for you.
I’m desperate for the God of Adam and Eve, the God who fellowshipped with them in the cool of the morning, the God who walked in the garden with them each day.
I’m desperate for the God of Abraham, the God who faithfully fulfilled His promises long after it was physically possible.
I’m desperate for the God of Hagar, the God who sees our pain and anguish, the God who comforts us in our distress.
I’m desperate for the God of Jacob, the God who reveals Himself to us, who wrestles with us until we are forever changed.
I’m desperate for the God of Joseph, the God who redeems our every pain, lifts us from the pit, and sets us in a position of power when He sees fit.
I’m desperate for the God of Moses, the God who calls us from obscurity to lead His people to the freedom He called them to.
I’m desperate for the God of the Israelites, the God who parts the Red Sea to make a way where there is no way, the God who provides for our every need at just the right time.
I’m desperate for the God of Rahab, the God who saves us from our sinful past and places us in a position of honor.
I’m desperate for the God of Joshua, the God who breaks down the walls and leads us into the Promised Land, the land filled with the good things He came to give us.
I’m desperate for the God of Naomi, the God who turns our bitterness into joy.
I’m desperate for the God of Ruth, the God who takes our grief and brings a kinsman-redeemer to restore all that has been taken from us.
I’m desperate for the God of David, the God who anoints us, positions us, and forgives us when we genuinely repent.
I’m desperate for the God of Elijah, the God who takes us to a place of total isolation so we learn complete dependence, the God who honors the fervent prayer of an ordinary man, the God who pours out His power in front of His enemies.
I’m desperate for the God of Elisha, the God who gives a double dose of His power.
I’m desperate for the God of John, the God who loves me deeply and intimately, the God who calls me His beloved.
I’m desperate for the God of Mary, the God who invites us to sit as His feet and soak in His goodness and His grace.
I’m desperate for the God of Lazarus, the God who resurrects us from the dead, gives me new life.
I’m desperate for the God of Peter, the God who sees strength and courage in spite of my failures.
I’m desperate for the God of Paul, the God who changes me in an instant, wipes out my past and gives me a beautiful new future with a purpose only He could create.
I’m desperate for the God who calls me a masterpiece, the God who promises He has a purpose for which He created me before time began.
I’m desperate for the God of Revelation, the God who is preparing an eternal future for me where I will rejoice in His presence for all of eternity, where He will wipe every tear and I will never again experience pain.
I’m desperate for my God, the God of the Bible, the God who has been forever faithful to me.
This world is a difficult place. It’s filled with hurts and pains, grief and loss. The last ten years have been filled with more pain and anguish than I ever imagined I could survive.
And yet God has proven Himself faithful. He has walked with me every step of the journey, carried me through in ways I never could have dreamed. He has taken my pain and replaced it with blessings abundant.
I don’t know what’s next in this crazy journey called life. But with every twist and turn, I find myself longing for my Father, longing to have all He has to offer.
I know my Savior. And I am desperate for everything He has for me, regardless of the trials I must walk through to get to Him.
As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? Psalm 42:1