Pain and suffering, parenting, sexual purity, Uncategorized

Who Do You Think You Are?

“Who Do You Think You Are, A Princess? Quit daydreaming. You will never be who you think you are going to be. Get used to the real-world Missy!”

My mother would squash my dreams often with her cutting words. She couldn’t understand that even in our hard circumstances of life, one could have hope in themselves. I felt like I was someone who could rise above our circumstances. It was deep inside of me. I couldn’t help it. My spirit was stronger than even a mother’s demeaning words.

Last November I attended a B.L.A.S.T. Next Level Training in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I had been in this program for a year. My life coach, best-selling author Shannon Ethridge, invited us to come spend four days with her and her team to take an extended course; a special treat for us all. Our group was from all over the United States; California, Detroit, South Carolina, Florida, Oklahoma, Nebraska, to name a few. We had been talking by Zoom Conference, phone, text, Facebook to bond with each other. There was something special going on with our group, and Shannon saw it right away. She kept telling us,” I have never had a group become this close with each other before.” We continued to help and support each other. We pushed each other forward. We critiqued our work, and we shared our stories. The focus was precise. We improved our skills. As our graduation from this program was near, Shannon made the decision to bring us all together and share her best nuggets of information with us. She believed in our ministries. She believed in us.

This program had never been done before. Shannon knew it had to be done with us. As we all made our way to Tennessee, with some interesting stories of missed flights and crazy arrivals, we hugged each other like old friends. We settled in that first night and caught up on our lives. The next morning as we were in the trenches of completing our video for our speaker platform, we sat down for some training.

The question was posed to us “Who do you think you are?” My heart stopped. My palms started to sweat. I heard those words in a different form. The words the way my mother used to say them. However, the question Shannon was posing was different. She knew we had worked hard this past year. We had created our platform based on a guidance that surpassed even a good parent. We had listened to the whispers of God telling us exactly who we were. That was what Shannon wanted us to remember. We had all been sent there after listening to and acting upon the promptings of the Holy Spirit within us. This ability to speak and write of my past with a difficult mom, allowing God to show me a bright future, was not in vain. I had a responsibility to share this with others because He had equipped me. I also had to do the hard work to study the things that would guide me towards excellence in my field.

My life shifted in that room. When you know your purpose in life, it makes each day a little more meaningful. I will not be afraid any longer of answering my truth. My life-long dream was never to be a speaker/writer on hard subjects of mother daughter dysfunction. But God knew. He knew when harsh words were spoken to me as a child, my heart would be protected. He knew that deep down, those words would not stick and make me bitter. He knew that He would not allow me to stop dreaming of a purposeful life. He knew He would make me a Mama Mentor for many other women whose hearts are tender from bitter words spoken from broken places.

Now I ask you; “Who do you think you are?” Can you answer that question with confidence? You are more than your job, your title, trophies, and awards. You have a responsibility to give your best talents and gifts as a person who can make a difference in this world. It’s important you know. It’s the whole reason you wake up each morning.

Find your passion and purpose and do it! Don’t give up. Find the support that will move you in that direction. Don’t let the past define you.

I stand beside you as the mama you may not have had. I will tell you; I see you; I stand with you; I believe in you.

About the Author

phyllis    Phylis Mantelli is a speaker, blogger, writer on personal testimony of the mother/daughter dysfunction and the healing grace of breaking generational dysfunction. She has helped mentor many women through her experiences and loves to be an encouragement to all women.

Phylis also speaks on the pain and healing of shame from a past abortion. She is currently the Service Coordinator and Co-Leader at Informed Choices Pregnancy Center and leads the Bible Series “Surrendering the Secret” by Pat Layton. She is a small group leader for women’s ministry. Her first book “UnMothered” is due out in September of 2019.

She is a graduate of the BLAST Program (Building Leaders, Authors, Speakers and Teachers) with bestselling author Shannon Ethridge. She is an Alumni of Leverage Conference with Kathi Lipp. She will be completing her certification in Life Coaching in 2019.

She is a married mother of two grown daughters and a grandmother to her first grandson. She lives in Northern California and enjoys her garden, pool, Pilates, jazz dancing with a local dance team, walking her dogs, and peaceful view of the mountains every morning.

Phylis Mantelli




2 thoughts on “Who Do You Think You Are?”

  1. It’s nice that you had such a great opportunity to be in that program with wonderful ladies and be able to excel. It’s wonderful blessing God protected your heart and mind from harsh words. It’s awesome that you know and can follow your purpose. But some of us weren’t so lucky. I’m still trying to overcome abusive relationships and dysfunctional family issues that have left me with negative thoughts that still plague me despite going to Spiritual encounters (retreats) and classes. I lost most of my purpose when my chronic illness robbed me of my dream of becoming a teacher and later stopped me from finishing my first novel,made even reading and reviewing books almost impossible and then fully died when I had to give up children’s ministry because I couldn’t even make it to church. Now the best I can do is pray for people and give encouragement through social media comments and that may make a difference in people’s lives but it doesn’t feel enough. I’m tired of being sick and tired but can’t find a way out of this chronic illness nightmare. So all my dreams have turned to dust and hope is hard to hold on to when everything you try doesn’t work and more symptoms and illnesses seem to pile on with no real answers or help from drs besides medicine to treat my symptoms while other symptoms go ignored by doctors.

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