Becoming the Mom I Always Wanted to Be

Better late than never.

Isn’t that what they say? A hope fulfilled is refreshing to the soul, even if it doesn’t happen when you expected it.

Entering adulthood, I always imagined I would be the homeroom mom, at every school party, chaperoning every field trip. I thought I would cook nutritious homemade meals and have freshly baked cookies when the kids arrived home from school. I thought we would color Easter eggs and make homemade Christmas ornaments. That’s the mom I planned to be.

Before I became a single mom, I was most of those things. I think I attended every field trip for my oldest son until he was in middle school. But, as a single mom, my life was so busy! I can’t even imagine how many chicken nuggets and how much Mac and cheese we ate, especially in those early days! Dinner often consisted of whatever I could grab and throw into the backseat as we ran from soccer practice to basketball games to voice lessons.

I didn’t have time or energy for one extra thing in my life. I feel like I spent so much of my kids’ childhoods working, just struggling to survive. It really breaks my heart as I look back, and it is the one thing I wish I could go back and change.

As always, God is giving me a second chance.

It may not look the way I wanted to and it definitely has come later than I expected, but I am in a season of seeing God answer my prayers and fulfill my heart’s desire.

How? you might ask.

My baby girl is in her first year of college. I had no idea how busy a music major would be! She has up to three rehearsals each night on top of her classes she has during the day. It’s been an adjustment, trying to figure out how to manage her time.

She recently called me and asked if I could meet her somewhere to help her put together an outline for a speech she had to give. We looked at our schedules, found a time and a place, and spent an hour eating breakfast, talking, and putting together a killer outline for her speech! I left with a smile on my face and joy in my heart! It’s really not that she needed my help, but she needed the moral support of someone who loves her, believes in her, and will drop everything to be there for her.

My oldest recently passed his Certified Flight Instructor certification. Yes, he’s a pilot! I love to watch him pursue his dreams, to find something he is so passionate about! He’s now in the process of applying for jobs.

Over the last month, we’ve taken a couple of road trips. One to Arkansas and one to Texas. He and his sweet wife could absolutely make it without me, but they have asked me to tag along. Maybe it’s moral support. Maybe it’s financial support. Maybe it’s just the comfort of having someone who loves unconditionally and supports unequivocally. Either way, it has been a joy taking a couple of quick trips as he pursues his dreams.

And then there’s my second son. That boy! At the age of 20, he has landed his dream job! He’s currently in an intense training season. He leaves every morning by 5:00 am and doesn’t get home until around 6:00 pm. His days consist of physical training, simulations, and learning. His first week, he lost 8 pounds–and he doesn’t have any pounds to spare!

What does he need from me? Food–and lots of it! Every day, I make sure he has breakfast, and mid-morning meal, and a nutritious lunch. I am cooking those healthy dinners I always thought I would–and in HUGE quantities! I greet him each evening with dinner. Could he do it himself? Sure he could! But, I am committed to getting him through this four month training academy and supporting him any way I can!

Apparently, all of the other recruits are slightly jealous of his meals. Some have actually gone out and purchased vacuum sealers and started imitating his meals. They’ve put in requests for “mom” to send t-bones for their lunch. He is the envy of the crew!

My heart’s desires are truly being fulfilled!

God knows. He knows the pain in my heart because I didn’t get to do and be all the things I wanted to be and do because we were too busy surviving! But this season… this season brings tears to my eyes as I realize God has done it once again. He has redeemed the time, the pain, and He has fulfilled my heart’s desires.

I know this season is brief, but–as exhausted as I am–I am savoring every single moment of giving sacrificially to my kids.

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4