Called

God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. Romans 11:29

A few weeks ago, I visited a different church with some extended family members. I know some of the pastor’s story. He was out of ministry for a time, but he has recently returned to the pastorate.

He is called.

And when you are called, you can’t escape. You might step out of formal ministry activity for a time being, but there is something deep within your soul that is constantly aching to actively serve.

No matter how exhausted you are.

No matter how burned out you are.

No matter how hard you are working in other areas.

No matter how you make a living.

No matter what, you feel the longing to be engrossed in serving the One who is your life.

When I first separated from my ex-husband, I lost my ministry as pastor’s wife. I found myself wandering aimlessly, wondering how the God who called me could rip me from the ministry. I wrestled with how I–a soon-to-be-divorced woman–could fill that longing in my heart to be a minister.

In those early days, I was working as a registered nurse on the stroke floor. It was there I found my place of ministry, loving on those who were sick. I remember one sweet little man who admitted to the hospital the day before Easter. As I did my initial assessment, he was heart-broken that he couldn’t be in church on Easter. I told him I completely understood and promised we would have Easter services together.

And we did! I saved his morning assessment for last so I had a few extra minutes to spend with him. After taking care of all of his physical needs, I sat down next to him and opened my Bible app to the Easter story. We sat there together, marveling over the goodness of our Savior who died for our sins and conquered death on the third day. It might be one of my absolute favorite Easters ever!

As the years have passed, I’ve found my ministry in various places, no doubt including this very blog. In my coaching. In my speaking. In my family.

But, I have recently found myself wondering if ministry is what is missing from my life. If my burn out is because I long for more opportunities to share my Savior. As I listened to this anointed pastor speak, I found myself again wondering where a once-divorced-woman fits into God’s plan for ministry.

I wish I had all the answers; in reality, it almost seems more like a rhetorical question than one with an answer. Just when I think I’ve grown weary of the fight to figure out where I belong, something brings me back to that place where the very depths of my heart cry out for more. I currently have three simple actions for myself and hope maybe they will help both of us.

Pray. We all know God hears and answers our prayers. Trust me. I’ve prayed for years for God to open the doors, to show me where I need to be. He never tires of us asking to see Him move, to see Him answer our prayers.

Start where you are. What opportunities are around you? Are you actively looking for ways to minister where you are? Just as I had the privilege of worshiping with my patient all those years ago, I frequently find God dropping situations into my lap. The pastor’s wife on the verge of divorce. The mom of teenagers who suddenly finds herself single. All around me. At every turn.

Those sweet relationships are what keep me going, the ones that fill my soul with passion and joy. That’s where I find the strength to keep going.

Redefine ministry. Ministry doesn’t always have to be vocational. Maybe it’s something that happens in life when we are tuned into the Savior, when we are on the look out for where God is working. Maybe it’s serving in the church in some obscure area. Maybe it’s organizing a group for single moms. Maybe it really isn’t a title or a position but an attitude of the heart.

I don’t know exactly what ministry looks like for me in this post-divorce life. I know my heart longs to serve the One who gave me life again. As I pray for God to show me the way, I will trust Him to open the doors and define what ministry is for me.