A Mama’s Heart

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
    in the morning I lay my requests before you
    and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3

I woke up Sunday morning with these words running through my mind. As I began to pray for my children that morning, I couldn’t shake the scripture.

I’m laying my requests at your feet this morning, God. My heart is the same as it’s been for days now. The requests are not new. They are urgent, essential. My heart is overwhelmed for my kids right now. Hear my pleas.

As I climbed out of bed, I opened my Bible app on my phone to my reading plan. Immediately, I saw the first chapter I was scheduled to read that day: Psalm 5. A slight grin crept across my face as I immediately knew it was God’s gentle reminder.

Alright. I hear you. My heart has been so heavy, so overwhelmed, that I’m not waiting in expectation. I almost find my faith absent, not believing that you are hearing me. I’ve been crying out to you for my kids for years on end. We thought things were getting better, and now this. 

As we went about our morning, my mind was distracted throughout the church service. The words continued to ring through my mind, I honestly found myself in a wrestling match with God.

I’m trying. I’m trying to muster the faith to believe that this setback is actually a set up, an opportunity for you to show up in some mighty way. I’m trying to believe that this devastation is a gateway to a deeper faith, an answer to the prayers I’ve been praying for years. Lord, help my unbelief (Mark 9:24)! 

As the days have passed, my heart has become more settled. I continue to hear the words ringing through my mind, wait in expectation. I can sense God is planning something. I’ve tried to believe from the beginning that God is up to something, but sometimes my faith is weak.

Especially when it comes to my kids.

I have a mama’s heart.

You know what a mama’s heart is.

A mama’s heart longs to protect from this evil world.

A mama’s heart breaks possibly even deeper than the child’s heart when bad things happen.

A mama’s heart wants to be able to kiss the booboo and make it all better–even when the child is well into his 20s and towers over you.

A mama’s heart wants to fix everything, make the path more smooth.

A mama’s heart wants everything to work perfectly, to make life move forward without a hitch.

That’s a mama’s heart.

But do you know what else?

A mama’s heart wants to see her child take the faith she has instilled as his or her own.

A mama’s heart longs to see her child grow and become a resilient individual.

A mama’s heart desires to see her child flourish in every way.

A mama’s heart cries out for her child to bond with his or her spouse through life’s circumstances.

A mama’s heart wants nothing more than to see her child find beauty in this broken life.

And that’s where this mama’s heart is today.

While I want more than anything for my children to protect my children from this evil world, I also want my children to experience God in all of His goodness and grace. Unfortunately, rescuing them from the bitter parts of life actually robs them opportunities.

Of the opportunity

To deepen their faith.

To grow in grace.

To become more resilient.

To experience the healing of God.

To watch God use a set back to create a set up for something greater.

To see God create something beautiful out of this broken life.

I honestly feel like my poor kids have experienced more hurt and pain in their lives than any kid should experience in a lifetime. This one cuts deeply. My heart aches. I cry out to God.

My mama’s heart wants so desperately to fix these circumstances.

But I feel God bolstering my faith, giving me the ability to wait in expectation for Him to show up in my child’s life. I hear His whisper telling me that a mama’s heart wants what is best  for her child, and only He knows what that is. I hear Him telling me that He is the master of taking brokenness and creating something beautiful.

So this mama’s heart breaks with her child’s, cries out to God for His goodness and grace, and waits in expectation.

Waits for the goodness of God.

Waits for the answer to my prayers.

Waits for God to bring healing and hope.

Waits for Him to use the pain of this world to deepen faith– my child’s faith and my own.

And that is a mama’s heart.

If your mama’s heart is weary and burdened this Mother’s Day, you are not alone. Join with me as we lift our mama’s hearts to God and wait in expectation.