Reaping the Rewards

It’s a thankless job.

When is the last time you read Proverbs 31? Let’s take a few minutes to read it:

A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31:10-31

I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted just reading this account of everything the Proverbs 31 woman does. Doesn’t that pretty much sum up motherhood?

Have you ever wondered, though, when your children are going to rise up and call you blessed? When your husband is going to praise you in this way? Heck. You would probably even settle for a simple acknowledgement that someone sees your sacrifices, your hard work, your commitment!

And for those single mamas out there doing it all? Oh, how I feel you! You do all of this…and more. You are the only stability for your kids. You carry the entire load. You are the cook and the maid, the chauffeur and the teacher, the nurse and the therapist. You care for the inside of the home and the outside of the home. You are a master at stretching a dollar to make sure no one (except you) goes without. You stay awake at night wondering how you will be all things to all people.

But no one seems to recognize your work, your sacrifices. You feel abandoned on a deserted island.

I feel you.

Sunday morning as I got ready for church, I listened to a sermon. Pastor Craig Groeschel reminded us that when we do something consistently and we do it well, it is rarely acknowledged so if no one seems to recognize all that you do, be assured it’s because you do it so well. I know that might not be what you want to hear, but it is so completely true! you don’t hear the gratitude because people have simply come to expect it from you. You are amazing!

But can I let you in on a little secret?

If you stay the course, you will reap what you sow. 

This year was my first Mother’s Day with an empty nest. I wasn’t prepared for the multitude of emotions that overwhelmed me! From the first text of the morning around 5 am when my son was getting off his 24-hour shift, the tears began to flow.

But that’s not the half of it. It was such a tender message, a thank you for all you do, an acknowledgement of 21 years of sacrifice. This last year has been really good for the two of us. He was the only child home for about 8 months, and we had a lot of one-on-one time. I had the opportunity to pour into him alone, to support him as he followed his dreams. It was a precious time of being the mom I always wanted to be but never got to be during those years of busyness.

Then, my daughter came home after church to spend some time with me. I had no idea she had written a song for me, a song about a God who stays and a Mom who prays. Woven throughout the lyrics were so many lessons I’ve taught the kids over the years, the story of our lives put to song. I was moved to tears.

Although my oldest didn’t get to be here for Mother’s Day, I had multiple opportunities to talk to him. He expressed his gratitude, the assurance that I am always available to him.

You see, now that they are adults, they can look back and see the sacrifice. Now, they rise up and call me blessed. It didn’t happen in the middle of the hard days, but now I get to reap what I have sown.

Here’s a few lessons to help you get from where you are to that place where you get to reap the rewards of your hard work:

Be Intentional. I’ve always tried to be intentional: setting alarms on my phone to remind me to pray, praying over them before school and before bed, finding ways to incorporate biblical teachings into every day life. Now that they are adults and all live on their own, I have taken to sending them a text every morning, asking how I can pray for them. Not only does it help me know what is going on in their lives, but they know they are still in my prayers. Nothing will ever separate them from the love of their mama.

Be Present. It’s so easy to get caught up in life and miss the blessings before you. It is absolutely essential that you are present for your kids. Maybe it’s putting down the phone or turning off the TV to truly engage. Maybe it’s staying up later to talk to that night owl who comes into your room at night. Maybe it’s going on a walk with a child who wants a few minutes with you alone. Or maybe it’s being present at every activity, being the cheering section when they look into the stands. I know it’s a lot of work. I know sometimes their interests are vastly different from yours. But, being present pays huge dividends in the end!

Stay the Course. I know it’s easy to give up, to stray off course, but it’s essential that we set our compass at true north. What do we want for our kids? Do we want to train them up in the Lord? Do we want a lifelong bond with them? Set a goal, and never take your eyes off that goal. Sure, you may get distracted and have rough days, but always focus on what you want for your kids. Always remember it’s a marathon, and you have to push through those hard days and hard seasons.

Trust the Father. No matter what happens, trust God with your kids. We have not walked this journey perfectly by any means. We have veered off course, wandered from the safety of our Father’s perfect will. Our faith has wavered and we’ve struggled with doubt and unbelief. In the midst of the trials of this life, we’ve cried out in anger at God. I’ve spent much time wrestling with God, trying to understand why He would allow things to happen. But no matter what, I come back to the heart of the Father, a heart that has nothing but love for us. I have to let go and trust that He loves my kids far more than I do, and He won’t allow anything to touch them unless it has gone through His hands. And I would rather put my kids in His hands than anywhere else.

If you are walking through the dark and thankless days of motherhood, hold tight and stay the course. The day is coming when all of your hard work and sacrifice will be recognized.