Keeping the Faith

This last week, I visited with a lady who marveled that I had kept the faith in the midst of the storms of this life.

This precious lady is struggling through some of the same trials I’ve faced, those of mental and emotional abuse, divorce, and false accusations. It has been a struggle to keep standing on faith as her life crumbles around her. Few people would blame her for leaving the faith.

It happens so often. Everywhere we turn in 2023, we hear of people deconstructing their faith. These are people who have grown up in the faith, served as ministers of the gospel, walked faithfully before God. And yet, as they have faced the disappointments of this life and struggled to understand God in light of their circumstances, they have chosen to leave the faith.

Yet, as I walked through my own devastation, my faith actually grew stronger. Everything I had known about God was challenged, but I found myself inexplicably drawn closer to God. I found a new intimacy, a deeper relationship with God.

Why? Why do some of us emerge from the fiery trials of life with our faith tested and purified while others find their faith crumbling?

One thing I have become keenly aware of in the last decade is just what a Westernized view of Christianity many of us here in America cling to. We think that if we follow God faithfully, He owes us a perfect life. We would never say that, but we definitely live our lives that way. I know I was guilty of clinging to that belief.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

But it’s not just expecting an easy life. Very few of us would claim to cling to the healthy, wealthy, wise theology, and yet our lives defy our words. We wonder why God doesn’t hear our plea to heal our illnesses and infirmities. We ask for God to bless our finances. We live as if we understand God’s ways better than those around us–and we chastise those suffering for not having enough faith to experience God’s healing.

You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:2b-3

Oh, friends! We are so missing the heart of God! God’s heart longs to do whatever it takes to purify our faith, to get us to a place of deep intimacy with Him! Whatever it takes. Think about those words.

What did it take to get Saul’s attention? A blinding light.

What did it take to get Peter’s attention? A rooster crowing after he denied Jesus.

What did it take to get David’s attention? Spiraling into adultery and murder.

What did it take to get Elijah’s attention? Finding himself alone, without anything except God, as he sat in the desolation of the Kerith Ravine.

What will it take to get your attention?

I recently read Craig Groeschel’s book Dangerous Prayers. In the book, Groeschel challenges us to pray three scary prayers.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139 23-24

Search me. Before we can keep the faith, we have to allow God to search us, to reveal to us anything in our lives, our thoughts, our words, our actions, our attitudes that would be less than pleasing to Him. We have to lay ourselves before Him and allow Him access to every crevice of our hearts. So often we want to believe we are better than we are, that we are the one human on the face of the earth that doesn’t need God’s grace and forgiveness. You probably think I’m being a little extravagant, but many of us live our lives this way.

I was raised in a Christian home, gave my heart to Christ at the age of 6. I have read my Bible most every day of my life. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t curse. By the worlds standards, I have lived a really good life.

But, even with my good life, I don’t measure up to God’s standards. I’ve missed the mark because I am a sinner. It wasn’t until I was at the most desperate point of my life when I found myself falling to sin that I truly, truly recognized that Jesus died for me, too. That I was truly a sinner in need of a Savior. Sure, I gave lip service to the fact that I was a sinner, but my attitude was one of being holier than thou. It’s painful to admit, but when I truly let God search my heart, I realized that the heart is deceptive above all things (Jeremiah 17:9).

Break me. This one is downright terrifying! What will it take to break you? It’s really crazy. I can remember the day I was so incredibly broken before God. I had suffered an awful divorce, lost the things most important to me. I was fighting daily to provide for my kids, keep my head above water.

But it wasn’t any of those things.

One day I drove home from church. As I drove, I found myself weeping uncontrollably over my broken condition, over the condition of humanity. I was so overwhelmed with the goodness of God, with His grace in saving me. My entire demeanor changed on that drive. I honestly don’t know what the impetus was, but I was completely broken.

Then, in the days to come, I began to see God work. I began to see Him move in my life, in response to my prayers. It was as if God couldn’t work until I was completely broken.

My breaking was a process, one that started with my divorce. For others, it’s an instant. A painful moment of loss that forever changes you. That moment you neglect God’s prompting and someone dies, preventing you from being able to make things right. Maybe it’s the divorce, the death, the illness. We are all different, and God deals with us each individually.

There’s a beautiful little verse tucked away in Deuteronomy 8 while the Israelites are wandering in the wilderness.

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. Deuteronomy 8:2

When we are broken, we are faced with the condition of our hearts. And our hearts are ugly.

Send me. After He searches us. After He allows us to be broken. Then, we are ready to be sent. We are ready to go out and let His love and His light shine through us. That’s when we can be world changers!

Here’s the thing: When I walked through my divorce, I could have been like so many others and left the faith. I could have been a deconstructed. Instead, I found myself reconstructing my faith. Does my faith look like it did 15 years ago? Oh no–and I am so thankful it doesn’t! I’ve come to know the heart of God. I’ve experienced life changing answers to prayer. I’ve gotten to know God intimately. I’ve experienced a new faith!

I don’t believe all the same things I used to be about life and Christianity and interpretations of the scripture. But, I like to believe that I’m more like God in my heart and attitude than I was. I’m more loving, more accepting. I get less caught up on interpretations of scripture and I try to focus on the things we have in common. I hope and pray I’m not one of the so-called Christians that are turning people away from God because of my attitude.

And, if you are in the midst of a painful trial that cause you to doubt your faith, don’t give up! Take a deep breath. Ask God to search you. Ask Him to break you. Ask Him to do whatever it takes to draw you into His presence. Put aside all of your pre-conceived notions about what it looks like to walk in faith, to walk with God. Let Him shake up your faith!

I guarantee you will never regret it!