When Church Hurts

I had lunch with a friend today.

Part of my goal for 2024 is to build community, to find like-minded friends with whom I can walk through this season of life. A couple of weeks ago, I reached out to a friend I hadn’t seen in several years. We scheduled lunch, and it was such a blessing to see her.

We caught up on life. We talked about all of our kids, her four and my three. When our kids were little, they were inseparable. We spent so much time together because our kids were best of friends.

Sadly, as we’ve grown, we’ve all gone our separate ways. Some of the kids still stay in touch or cross paths in their careers, but for the most part everyone has taken divergent paths.

Sadly, we all seem to have one thing in common: church hurt.

What is church hurt? It’s hurt, abuse, damage caused by the church or church people. Sadly, it’s all too common.

It’s the pastor making a comment from the pulpit about “divorced people” knowing there are people in the congregation walking through divorce.

It’s the deacon who pursues women in the congregation.

It’s the associate pastor who threatens manipulates the situation to make someone else out to be the bad guy.

It’s the church member who passes judgement on the one who is doubting his faith.

It’s the church that creates an atmosphere that causes people to be turned away and turned off to the church.

Honestly, I am thankful my faith has survived. I am thankful my faith came through my divorce stronger than ever before. I promise, it wasn’t because the church unequivocally loved me back to my faith. It was because God in His tender mercies called me back to Himself.

It’s because I had a strong faith forged through three decades of walking with God, of seeing His faithfulness in my life.

It’s because I had a solid foundation built on my Rock.

It’s because I had a fairly accurate view of who I am in Christ.

It’s because I recognized that at the core of my being, I am His.

But not everyone is blessed with solid foundation I had. Many people encounter church abuse and lose their faith. They don’t just walk away from the church; they walk away from God.

And, we need to remember that those who cause others to turn away from the faith. They will be held accountable.

Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. James 3:1

If you have been a victim of church abuse at any level, here’s what I want you to know.

God is love. If the people in the church have been anything other than loving, kind, compassionate, they do not represent God. If you are hurting and you have been subjected to scorn or judgmental attitudes, it’s not from God. If so-called Christians have made you fell less-than because of your doubts, it’s not from God.

But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8

God is safe. You don’t need to be afraid to bring  your fears and doubts and hurts to God. He’s not going to turn His back on you. He’s not going to shun you. He’s not going to condemn you. Think about the woman caught in adultery. Jesus didn’t condemn her. He looked beyond her actions and saw her heart. He encouraged her to go and sin no more, to change her life because of the grace she encountered in Jesus’ presence.

He has the same grace for you.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7

God is faithful. There was a time when the hurt and pain of this world was more than I could bear. The thought of suicide crossed my mind. I was ready to abandon my faith. I was faithless.

Yet, even in my hurt and fear and doubt, He was faithful, just as He promised to be. And He is faithful to you. He is calling you to Himself.

If we are unfaithful,
    he remains faithful,
    for he cannot deny who he is. 2 Timothy 2:13

God forgives. I don’t care what it is, He forgives. There is no sin too great for Jesus’ blood to cover it. There is no sin so awful that He won’t wipe it away. There is no sin that cannot be made as white as snow. Nothing you have done can make you love Him less.

He has removed our sins as far from us
    as the east is from the west. Psalm 103:12

God understands. Jesus walked this earth and experienced it as a human just as we do. He knows what it is to be tempted. He knows what it is to be hurt and ridiculed by the leaders of the church. He knows what it is to be an outcast from the religious people. He has walked this road just as we do. Yet, He was sinless. He kept His faith. He knew His Father so well that His relationship with the Father far exceeded the pain of the religious folks.

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:15

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

If you’ve been hurt by the church, please know it’s not who God is. It’s religious folk who are very poor representatives of Christ.