Proclaiming His Faithfulness

Several years ago, I wrote An Open Letter to Lysa TerKeurst when she announced her pending divorce from her husband of nearly 30 years following his adultery. Since that time, TerKeurst has gone through reconciliation attempts, cancer, divorce, and remarriage.

This morning, I read an article from a question and answer session with TerKeurst as she discussed the journey through betrayal to remarriage. So much of what she said resonated with me! So many of the lessons she learned echo what I have said over the last fifteen years. Here’s a few lessons TerKeurst shared that resonated deeply with me.

God rescued me. In the midst of the pain, I didn’t see it as God rescuing me. I was devastated! The pain was deeper than I ever could have imagined. All I wanted was for life as I knew it to be put back together, to go back to comfort of what I knew.

However, hindsight is 20/20. When I stepped away from my marriage and gained clarity, I realized I was in a destructive marriage. There was so much dysfunction, and I was enduring verbal, mental, and emotional abuse. It wasn’t until I was several years removed that I was able to call it what it was.

Today, I am so thankful God rescued me from my marriage. As TerKeurst said, I never would have left on my own. At the time, I saw adultery as the one acceptable reason to divorce.

Don’t try to go it alone. God created us to be in community. When I first learned of my husband’s affair, I tried to hide–from family, from church, from friends. It was not until I came into the light that I began to find healing.

I had always been the strong one, the one others turned to in the midst of their pain. It was humbling to realize I was the one in need, to be so broken I needed healing. Finding others who were willing to love and support me made all the difference.

Rediscover yourself. As a teenager, I believed myself to be strong and capable. After more than fifteen years in a destructive marriage, I was a shell of the person God created me to be. I remember looking in the mirror and not recognizing the image looking back at me.

That’s what happens in a destructive marriage. As TerKeurst said, you believe you truly are the one going crazy. It’s important to take time to heal, to discover yourself again. God created you with unique abilities and passions and purposes. Take time to let God show you who He created you to be.

Help is limited. When I walked this journey, I had no idea where to turn. I had been taught so many myths growing up. I believed adultery was the result of needs not being met at home. I believed one person could save a marriage. I believed good Christian girls hung in there no matter what. I believed divorce disqualified me from serving God.

Where do you turn when your whole life is the church, and the church has turned its back on you? So many pastors and church leaders are unprepared to deal with abuse and betrayal at the level I experienced. Unfortunately, many of the myths I learned growing up continue to be pervasive within the church. Most sermons are marriage simply encourage you to never give up without acknowledging  sometimes divorce is the best answer. Finding help within the church is a challenger.

I am pro-marriage. I love the covenant of marriage! I love to hear the stories of how love wins, of how God transforms a difficult marriage into a huge blessing. I hate being Divorced Dena because marriage is one of the greatest blessing in my life.

I will always encourage people to seek God’s direction when they are in the throes because God is still in the miracle business. He is able to save any marriage! But, it requires two people completely committed to God and to one another. Only God can give your the clarity to know when to stay and when to go.

Many women (and men) are in the gap. TerKeurst said, “I just can’t leave it behind. I have to help the women in the church.”

I don’t know how many times I’ve been told I need to stop talking about adultery and divorce. It’s obvious, so they say, I haven’t forgiven or moved on. Here’s the thing: the church has done a lousy job of standing in the gap for those of us trapped in destructive marriages. If I don’t stand up for those in similar situations, who will?

If I experienced God’s faithfulness in the midst of infertility, would I be told to leave that story behind? What if my story had ended in reconciliation instead of divorce? Would people tell me to leave that story behind? What if I had experienced healing from addictions? Or if I had overcome the grief of losing a child? Why is it that because my marriage ended in divorce people think I need to leave it behind?

2 Corinthians 1:4 tells us to comfort others with the comfort we have received. Because I have walked the path, my experiences speak to others in similar circumstances. I can stand as an encouragement to others, as they see there is hope and beauty after divorce.They can see the faithfulness of God even when it seems He has failed us.

I’ll never forget when the words from Isaiah 61 pierced my heart:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
    for the Lord has anointed me
    to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
    and to proclaim that captives will be released
    and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
    that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
    and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.

This journey is not the one I would have chosen for myself. However, it is the one God anointed me for, and I will proclaim His faithfulness in the midst of divorce for all my days!

Step into reality and trust that God’s going to meet you. I love TerKeurst’s words! Divorce happens. Adultery happens. Emotionally immature individuals enter marriage and create destructive patterns. None of us is exempt from experiencing this type of Ian and devastation.

But,God is faithful! When you choose to embrace the journey, to just sit with God and let Him lead you, He will meet you where you are. He will pick up the pieces and put you back together again.

He is faithful, forever and always!