Trust me with your heart…
“Trust me with your heart.”
The words pierced my heart one recent morning as I was getting ready for work. I have become very familiar with the gentle voice of my Savior whispering directly to my soul, but I found myself baffled at His command.
“What do you mean, God?” I immediately began to pray back to Him. “I thought I was trusting you with my heart.”
I didn’t get an immediate answer, but I continued to pray over the next week or so. I was puzzled, not understanding His command to trust Him with my heart. I asked for clarity, asked Him where I was failing to trust Him with my heart.
Then, it happened. One morning, my heart was shattered. A promise I have been clinging to for over two years seemed to literally explode—all hope of it being fulfilled disintegrated.
God had been trying to prepare me for the hurt and the pain. He had been telling me that I had to trust Him with my heart—that things were about to get really tough. He was telling me that He was still holding my heart in His hands, still binding up the wounds of my broken heart.
Since that day, I have struggled to find my faith in God. I have contemplated everything He has told me in the last two years. Did I misinterpret His voice? No. I’ve never been more certain of anything He has told me. Did He lie to me about His plans? No. My God cannot lie. Is He able to do what He told me? Well, yes. At least He says He is able. Did I misinterpret the scriptures He gave me—repeatedly over the last two years? No. I know His voice. He has spoken to me.
As I mull over pages and pages of journals where I have poured out my heart to God, I clearly see His hand. I clearly see how He has led me to this place. I clearly see His plans, how they have unfolded with each passing day. I clearly see how He has been at work in every detail, even every heartache and pain.
I simply cannot deny that God has been at work in me and around me, speaking to me repeatedly, leading me down this path. I simply cannot deny that this promise is truly from God.
And then it hit me. I truly love God with my mind. He has a firm grip on my mind, and I have a very logical faith. I love my God with my strength, my body. I work hard to maintain my body as the temple of Christ, to keep it pure in every way I can.
But my heart…
My heart has been hurt. My heart has been betrayed. My heart has been trampled by the one person who promised to love me until death do we part. And, that one person was brought to my life by God. I married Him at God’s command. I once trusted God with my heart…and it didn’t work out so well.
I’m not sure I’ve actually come to grips with that truth. In the last few weeks, however, I’ve come to realize that I am still protecting my heart. While I’ve gown and healed in so many ways, while I’ve seen such amazing changes in my life and in my faith, I’m still holding onto my heart. I’m still protecting myself from being hurt. While I’m trusting and loving God with my mind, soul, and strength, I’m not fully loving and trusting Him with my heart.
Last night, as all of these revelations came flooding over me, I did it. I surrendered! I found myself down on my knees, crying out to God. I admitted that I still have a wall of protection around my heart, and I told Him I was ready to let it come down. I told Him that I was ready to trust Him with my heart. I told Him that my heart was His to mold and shape in any way that He sees fit. I offered my heart to Him on His altar.
Today, I woke up at peace for the first time in three weeks. Today, I have had incredible joy oozing out of my heart. Today, stress has been non-existent. Today, my faith in God has been at unprecedented highs. Today, I am trusting God with my mind and my heart.
As I learn to trust God with my heart, I find my confidence in Him soaring! I am ready to accept whatever journey He chooses for me, knowing that He has my best interest in mind. I find myself excited about the growth that I will experience as I walk through these difficult days. I understand that His plans and promises will be fulfilled, even when it seems as if all hope is gone.
I have quit begging and pleading with God, and I have chosen to praise and thank God for answered prayers, for fulfilled promises. I am choosing to believe that even though it seems impossible, He will do what He says He will do. I am choosing to walk by faith and not by sight.
I’ve been re-reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. He says that faith often seems like a denial of reality but it’s because we are holding on to a reality that is more real than what we can perceive with our five senses. That’s where I am. I am clinging to my God, to a promise He has made me, to His character. I am clinging to His promise throughout scripture that says His promises are always fulfilled. I am clinging to the words of my Savior.
God is all about resurrection. He raised Jesus from the dead. He raised Lazarus from the dead. He resurrects hopes and dreams each and every day. Is anything too difficult for my God? If God is really who I teach He is, then the answer is no. He is the God of the impossible. If He can resurrect men from the dead, then He can resurrect this promise. He will resurrect this promise.
And, in the process, He will build my faith. He will mold my heart. He will make me mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:2-5). He will show my children that His promises are never dead, and they will look back on this period of our lives as a reminder of the amazing things God can and will do when we walk by faith.
I am walking through some of the most difficult days I’ve ever seen—definitely ranking right up there with adultery and divorce. But, I will cling to my Savior. I will continue to believe that all of His promises are yes and amen (2 Corinthians 1:20). I will not lose hope.
Please know that I am praying for you! I know what it is to be living your “dream” life only to have it crash all around you! Right now, I am again going through a difficult season. Two days ago, however, I sensed God simply saying, “I have a purpose in your pain. Surrender to this journey.” I have found that the dark, difficult days often turn into blessings if we surrender to the journey and ask God to reveal His purpose. While I can’t tell you if you will regain your physical strength, I do know that His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. He wants you to live and experience the abundant life. Seek His face, and let Him reveal His plans. You won’t be disappointed!
Lord Jesus, I ask for physical healing for my friend. I pray that you would give her a glimpse of the beautiful future you have for her. Reassure her heart that you will repay the years the locusts have eaten. Keep her in perfect peace as her heart and mind are focused on you. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
Dena, I read this this morning and it touched my heart on many levels. It made me recognize that I was “protecting my heart” in odd ways. I had decided since my heart was trampled, abandoned, and hurt when I thought I was obeying God, I would move forward with one eye/ear toward obedience but deferring to my own judgement when I thought it prudent. After all, I trusted God before and got hurt. This time I must use “common sense” and be wiser. But I am finding that that “common sense” is just my excuse to do what I want to do. To find immediate gratification in filling that deep well of need; the grabbing of the shovel from God to throw dirt in this deep cavern of wound because I don’t trust Him to do so (at the very least), feel I can do it better ( at best) and don’t want to wait for Him to do it right. I even know while I’m doing it that it is wrong and the need is met only temporarily – like the alcholic who finds peace in a shot glass but wakes up to an empty glass and soul. But the pain is so deep, the wound so all-encompassing. It is so hard to sit in the pain and trust God to fill it in His time and way. While I relate to your expression of joy in coming to this revelation – I know that the mountaintop is brief and the valley of waiting awaits. It is so hard.
Kathy, I have spent my day today in tears before God, trying to understand why this new hurt and pain has come. This week, I surrendered–I asked God to show me the purpose in this pain. For the first time in five weeks, I found myself singing praises from my heart, truly able to worship Him and trust Him! Last night, it all came crashing down again.
This journey that I am on right now is so unbelievably hard! I know that if He had revealed the details to me at the beginning, I would have simply said, “No thanks.” But, I am so far in that I can’t turn back now. I know that He is answering my many prayers–prayers to increase my faith, to build a ministry for me that can only come from Him, to do a mighty work in my kids. I see that He is building an audacious faith in me that will propel me into the amazing future He has for me. It is those thoughts that give me the strength to keep moving forward–to keep waiting for the promise He has made me.
I say all of that to say that–yes–sometimes the mountaintop is brief and the valley of waiting returns. Weeping stays for what seems like many nights. Fear grips me as I contemplate whether God will fulfill this promise. But, I must cling to the faithfulness of my Father, the One who can fulfill promises and cannot lie. I ask Him to use this incredible pain to create something in me that couldn’t be done otherwise. I have come to the conclusion that I have a choice: I can either have blind faith that God will do what He says He will do or I can accept things as they are. I choose to have faith in the only One who is all-powerful and good.
We stand together and wait for God to show up and show off. He is able. He is faithful. He is loving. He is good. He has a plan. Even when I can’t see the plan, I will trust in the One who does.
I will be praying that you, too, will be able to endure the valley of waiting…
Thank u for this devotional. I have been struggling with a very personal issue and my heart is broken. Thank u for being vulnerable and real.
I wish I could share the full story, but I can’t–yet. God is a promise maker and a promise keeper. I know that one day I will be able to share the full story–and the very real pain that I have experienced. What I cling to is that God will one day have me fully put together and on my feet again (1 Peter 5:10). He will do the same for you!
Hi Dena,
What a blessing it is for me to have run across your blog!
For the past 3yrs I have been wrestling with God in regards to my marriage. My husband has been with another woman for 3yrs now and Im struggling with letting go. I love him dearly, but it’s difficult to leave him to God when (I feel like) he hasn’t kept my heart and boys safe. How will he keep my husband safe? It all seems so far gone. How can he ever restore my family? Just as you have been protecting your heart, so have I. I’ve given God control of my career, my finances, my kids, my home, my health (after all it’s all his anyways) but Ive been afraid to let go of the most precious thing to me, my marriage. Im so scared of trusting Him with it. It’s still a daily struggle that I have and I know God is working on me.
I pray that he will make his will known to me and that I can see His hand in all of this chaos. Regardless, he will be glorified.
Thank you for sharing your walk!
-B
I completely understand your struggle, and I am so terribly sorry. I know the heartache and despair of having the one you love trample your heart. However, I know from experience that trusting God fully–surrendering to the journey–is the only way to survive.
I have personally seen marriages and families completely restored–far better than they ever were before. And, I’ve seen marriages and families crumble–just as mine did. But, even when the marriage doesn’t survive, God can do an amazing work in you! He can use your greatest hurt to become the very thing that propels you to a deeper walk with Him. Your future is secure in Him, and I promise you can trust Him!
The best thing you can do is surrender. Fall on your knees and ask Him to do an amazing work in you so He can do an amazing work through you. Ask Him to carry you through these dark days of chaos and to bring peace. Tell Him about your hurt and your pain. Yell at Him! Express your anger! Tell Him you don’t feel like you can trust Him. You will find that He will pursue you relentlessly. He will fight for your love and affection–even if your husband won’t. He will bind up your wounds and make you whole. He will take all the bad and work it for good.
Praying God gives you strength and endurance, wisdom and discernment!
Blessings to you Dena,
Two years ago I stumbled upon your blog looking for comfort after my marriage of 23 years crumbled. I wanted to thank you for your transparency and sharing your journey. I can not tell you the countless times i have read your post and it was like reading my very own life….I am thankful that even tho i don’t know you personally that God has brought you into my life as a tool of encouragement to know that i do not walk this journey alone…i too have been trusting in promises from God for two years and overnight the next chapter changed and left me in great confusion. But i have looked back and saw that God did not change…all of it is in preparation for the plans he has and i must continue to trust in him. i too have been protecting my heart and didn’t realize what i was doing until now. God speaks to us through his voice, his word and through others and even tho i pray and read the word sometimes its through the voice of others that he directs me to him…and i cant explain why but many many times he speaks to me through you…thank you for your faithfulness to our Lord…may he continue to use you as a light in this dark world…
humbly grateful,
Tina
How humbled I am that my Savior has chosen to use me in your life! Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am truly blessed to be able to share my life, my experiences, my heartache with others so that He might be glorified. When I started this little blog on a whim–out of a moment of pain and loneliness–I had no idea what God had in store. It has truly been a God-thing.
I encourage you to pick up the book The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. While my promise just crashed in front of my eyes, the truth is that God specializes in the impossible. He wants it to look as if the promise will never be fulfilled so that when He comes through He receives all the glory! I am firmly convinced that God has a purpose in this pain; I simply need to surrender and let Him take over. It is SO hard, but I know I can trust Him.
Praying His blessings over you!
Hi Dena,
I have been a physically active 47 year old woman, living in India. I love running and was training for a half marathon when I came down with a viral fever. The lingering chronic fatigue after the fever has left me physically drained even 3 months later.All tests are normal. Quit my job last week due to the fatigue. I am in shock that my life has changed in the blink of an eye. How could this happen to a person who loves excercise and otherwise healthy? Never had any health problems.I ran 21km, now I struggle to walk 200m. I am struggling with my thoughts and my faith. Could this be what my life is going to be like for the rest of my days? Please pray for me.
Holding on to the promise, “I have set the Lord always before me.Because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken”
I do not know what the future holds but I know who holds the future.
Regards
Grateful
The theme is really interesting, I want just to thank you that you take the time for giving us your experience.
Now Greatful, I know that some times we need to fece many difficulties, I know that God has special plans for us, but we need to know too, that our body is that a body, flesh, material that suffer, that is changing day by day, that is degrading in a natural maner. The problem that you face is cause for healthy problems, but I think we shouldn’t put all our hope in the power of our body, I know that It is the temple of the Spirit, and you are rigth in take care of your body, to have a good condition, and all of that things, but the Apostol Poul sead to work or build your body dosen’t have many benefits, we shouldn’t put all our coins to just one number, I don’t know if I could explain my point of view, I remember the testimony of a great evengelist,he sead that when he was young man he decided to build his body, and he became mister america, but God have a special purpose for him, he was sick the same like you, with a problem in his bounces, he thought that his life was finished but God moreover that made a miracle in his body and opened a great door for his ministry as evengelist, his name is YIYI AVILA, from PUESTO RICO, well I know that may be I can not understand your problem in a deep maner, because may be I have never past for that kind of problems but Jesus is our model of suffering. God bless you so much